II. Clearing My View.

I consider myself to be a loving, caring, and understanding individual. Today, I have come to the realization that those characteristics are perceived as some form of permit to be taken as delicacies and weaknesses. I’ve also come to the realization that I may sometimes administer pardons too easily. Holding grudges, I have found, drastically depletes my energy and creates stress for me. Depletion of my livelihood, I do not want. A specified duration of MY happiness by another, I will NOT allow.

I refuse to allow LOVE or lack thereof, to make me a pushover. I refuse to settle for anything less than what I KNOW I deserve. I deserve happiness, TRUE love, affection, devotion, respect, and allegiance. After all, isn’t that what a relationship consists of? Aren’t those some of the ingredients for a longlasting and enduring relationship to say the least? In my opinion, they are. Those characteristics are vital for any relationship that I would want to enter. I won’t accept anything less.

In my previous relationship, I blinded myself to numerous things, to obvious things. I allowed him to act and behave in certain manners that I knew in my heart, were damaging to my soul. Most of his actions and words tormented me. They seduced me into believing that if I continued to hold on and show my dedication, he’d change into who I wanted him to be. The absence of my sight, on my own accounts, refused to let me see the person he was and who he’ll always be. That was yesterday. Today, I am anew. I’ve risen from the depths of his oppression. I freed myself from the chains of faux adoration. I’ve escaped the trance and the spell I was cast under by those simple forehead kisses.

I understand it is common for those who exit soul draining covenants to seek deliverance by voiding all memories. I’ve heard some term this as “Smashing the Rearview” as they never want to look back and be reminded of what was endured. Granted, reflecting on what once existed can be clouded by what you wanted to exist and cause one to revert from that self-proclaimed path to liberation. I am not interested in doing anything of the like. Instead, I’d rather adjust my mirror so my view is perfect. I’d opt for clear view so I can remind myself never to turn back and make the same mistake again. When I glance at the things in my peripheral and I’m driving away, I want my attention to be called to the happiness and prosperous things I can attain if I keep moving forward. I’d rather my rearview to remind me of the horrors that I’d have to endure all over again. So, instead of “smashing my rearview”, pass me the windex and the newspaper for a clear-view!

To view the Introspection Series, view the Introspection Page.

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