He’s touching me without touching me. It’s been 3 years since he lost touch with me. He says to me, “Relax. I’ll take it from here.” I don’t know where we’re going, but I love what I hear. It’s clear. I love how he’s playing by ear. I don’t fear the unknown, I’ve let go of the wheel. I’ve been released from the hold. I’m breaking my mold. It feels SO GOOD to lose control!

I saw an old friend a few days ago. I hadn’t noticed him but apparently he had noticed me. He followed me into the store and while I was in line, he whispered something in my ear that only him and I would remember. I turned around and hugged him as tight as I could. When he wrapped his arms around me to do the same, I think I had fallen for him all over again. I left him with my number and he made sure I had his.

All day, I waited for his call. I wanted to it come sooner than it did. When I finally received his call, I brushed him off like a nervous little 9th grade virgin receiving attention from the quarterback of the football team. I’m wondering where all of that came from. It wasn’t even like I had just met this guy. I KNEW him! We had a relationship. So, what was I so afraid of? I think that’s what I’ve always liked about him. He always made me nervous when he was near, in a good way. Don’t get me wrong, I was always sure of myself as I am now. He just had this affect on me. It was something I loathed and loved simultaneously.

I hated how he always said so much without saying nothing at all.
I loved how he always said so much without saying nothing at all.

See what I mean?

I want to see where this goes. For some reason, I’ve always wondered about him. I always wondered where we would have been if I’d been a little more patient with him. At the same time, it’s rather hard to be patient with someone that shows little or no emotion. Back then, it was clear that we were not on each other’s time. We were going in two different directions. But now, it seems as though we’re on the same course and heading to the same destination. Even when I decided to actually answer the phone, I was impressed with everything that he knew about me. After 3 years, he knows as much about me as I know about myself. Color me lucky, right? I wish.

I’ll explain. PRIVATELY.

To be able to wake up and wish my son a Happy FIRST Birthday is truly a gift from God. I wish I could say more, I want to say more, but I am truly speechless. Words can’t explain how happy and blessed I actually feel. My son is a year old. He’s happy, he’s healthy, and he’s ONE YEARS OLD. I still can’t believe it. I took him to get his first haircut yesterday, against his father’s wishes, and I cried. He’s a big boy now. I’ve anxiously waited for this day. It’s bittersweet. Before long, he’ll be old enough to not even want to be around me anymore. OMG, I’m getting emotional. Uggh, I hate when I’m all over the place with my thoughts. But, to me, this post is in sequential order..my own order. I guess this how I get when I’m truly happy and giddy. Right now, I’m just satisfied with EVERYTHING!

Mario has taken Imari today. Unfortunately, I had to work so we’re celebrating this weekend. I’m thinking about going to the Audubon Zoo if it isn’t too cold or maybe taking him someplace to celebrate. A party may be in the works at the end of the month along with my niece. We’ll see. I might just do a little party at the daycare like I did for Iyanna.

Anyways, I’ll come with a REAL post soon. There’s so much more that I’d like to talk about dealing with me but today is a special day so I’ll go and finish crying and recollecting the times where Imari was 8 lbs. and 21″ long.

:heart: