I’ll “except” these…
“There’s a force stronger than nature..Keeps her will alive…” –Sade
*turns down Sade*
You can’t tell me I didn’t try. No one can tell me that I didn’t open my heart. I did. I opened my heart to him and I let go hoping that in return, I’d receive some type of reciprocity. Briefly, during the reintroductory period, it appeared as I did. However, that slowly faded and the person that I’d left alone three years ago reappeared and behaved in manners that demanded that I deduce the actuality of someone I thought I knew. As a result, I accepted this actuality for what it was and renounced our “relationship”. It seems as though my heart and my mind are in sync with one another. I’m glad they’ve irrevocably discovered common ground.
“He told me sweet lies of sweet love heavy with the burden of the truth [..] I wear it like a tattoo..”
C.W. and I are no longer associated with one another. The whole argument stemmed from me “..never having time for him.” and “always working and always busy..” Now, at first, I could empathize with the way he felt because I always worked, went to school, and when it was time for me to turn in, I slept hard without thinking about calling. I was willing to work on that. I actually thought it was kind of cute that he wanted to be with me so often. If only that was the extent of the argument yesterday..
“When you came my way, you brightened every day with your sweet smile. Didn’t I tell you what I believe? Did somebody say that a love like that won’t last? Didn’t I give you all that I’ve got to give..?”
I think I’m better off single, at least until I finish with my school career. Maybe I really don’t have the time to deal with the highs and lows of a relationship. I refuse to put my children, school, or work on the back burner because of some piece of wood. It’s amazing how the same thing that can attract a guy, can turn him away. Who would have ever thought it’d be my work ethic, my ambition, and my wanting to better myself and acquire knowledge? I can’t sit here and lie and say I wish he was a little more considerate because that’s all I’d be doing, wishing. I’m not a wisher. Wishing turns into wishful thinking and I’m not a wishful thinker. I’m a realist and I accept realism in it’s rarest form. Any guy/person who cannot accept that, I’ll “except” them. I’ll continue with my life except that individual won’t be in it.
Like the scar of age written all over my face. The war is still raging inside of me. I still feel the chill as I reveal my shame to you. I wear it like a tattoo.
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I like this post, but don’t really know how to comment on it (:
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In reply to your comment, my mom does all kinds of things to make me hate her. She makes me feel so little at times. Calls me dumb, stupid..swears that I’ll never be anything in life. She claims I only do things because other people tell me to.
She has made Police reports on me, has had CPS visiting and questioning me. She even thinks I’m out here doing the outrageous from drugs, having sex, getting STDs and everything else.
She makes me feel so unloved and it hurts deep down inside. I’m glad though that I have self-respect for myself and have a high self-esteems because if I didn’t I think she would have gotten to me a long time ago.
Sometimes though, since she doesn’t play her part I wish someone would. I wish I had that motherly figure or “big sister” that I could go to when needed. The one that I can talk to about such things on or offline but I haven’t had any luck *sigh*
[Reply]
Great post. Nicely written. :D
I feel you on this though. Even though I am not at the age
where I have had much experience with relationships, I think
I know how you feel and what your emotions are at this point.
Getting to the point where you make yourself realize that people
need to learn to accept you for you is something that can be
hard to do at first, but beneficial once achieved. And its
good that you have done that.
If he couldn’t accept your situation and your lifestyle, that
is pretty much his loss. Eventually, I think you can find
someone that is perfect for you. Your soul mate. All things will
fall into place. So, truly, he just wasn’t the right one
for you and all things happen for a reason.
I wish you good fortune with your school, children, and work!
:D
Also, thank you for your comment at my site. I will try to make my
birthday the best it can be.
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I really love this post. You don’t have to reinvent yourself to take care of the needs of a man. You have priorities and if he wants otherwise, he can keep it moving. He’ll regret it later when he sees that all of your hard work paid off. I don’t like when men try to get in the middle of what we try to do individually, because at the end of the day the only person who is responsible for your life is yourself. Sometimes it’s better being single. However, finding someone who is just like you is even better.
Shannon – Top 4 Sexy Guys
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This post is so deep .. real. I’m sorry to hear about the whole situation, you always seemed so happy when I read your posts about you two. But hey you only know what’s best for you and I wish you luck on whatever choices/decisions you make now and in the future. You seem really determined and I think that will pay off in the end. Once you get your life situated after school & etc im sure you’ll find your *prince charming* :)
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I did. I really, really liked him and I thought we were progressing. Then, it just seemed like he did a whole 180 on me and I didn’t even have the energy to deal with it. Maybe we’ll find some common ground in the future. But, if we don’t, it’s definitely NO SWEAT off my back!
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Do you think you could call him and explain that to him because he didn’t seem to understand when I tried to explain it to him. Since he received sole custody of his son, I NEVER once complained when he said he had to do this and he had to do that which prevented him from coming over. When you have children, you have to realize that it’s no longer you. You have other people that come before you. I think he realized that when it came to my children because he was so caring and compassionate with them. I just think that when it came to me saying, “I can’t, I have to study..” or “I cant, I have to get up early in the morning..” he was a little less patient. I refuse to battle with him on that because my schedule is a done deal. There are no MAJOR alternations that will be done. LOL.
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Wow! I can understand how you feel. I can’t say that I’ve ever had any type of hatred towards my mom. But then again, my mom has never told me such hurtful and evil things. I know that everyone says that you should tough it out or that things will get better. Such is definitely easier said than done. Nevertheless, I urge that you continue to remain strong. When I was younger, my mom and I used to butt heads a lot but eventually we found some common ground. Hopefully, if both of you are willing, you two will be able to do the same thing.
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I definitely believe that things happen for a reason. That’s what made me give him another chance three years later. In the past, we’ve had worst arguments and I was hurt in the end. I guess my heart refuses to go through that again. =)
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