I’m sitting here staring at the piles of paperwork that I have to complete, the information that I have to submit for verification, and calculating the time that it’ll take before a decision is reached and how many hours I’d have to work before I receive any type of assistance. I’ve never hated math as much as I do when I have to reconstruct a budget that allowed me to spend money on miscellaneous items and cater to my leisures. All the “ones” that I have to carry in regards to the expenses and all the minuses that I see in regards to my net income saddens me. I’m always extra careful when it comes to my spending and I thought I had a foolproof plan. Unless something miraculous happens in the next few weeks, unless these father a chooses to give a little extra or if father b decides to volunteer to do what he’s supposed to do, summer school is most likely out of the question, graduation has been pushed back, and my faith and willpower are running on fumes.

Instead of ranting and raving, I’ll just say this: If the father/mother of your child is providing for and supporting you and your child, you have no reason to complain. If you can spend money like their’s no tomorrow on the things that you like and want, shut your trap. If you don’t have to work overtime too often, your lips should be sealed. If you’re sleeping when YOU want to sleep, stare blank at this screen. If you don’t have to pay rent on your own, pay for child care, or provide for your child/children primarily on your own, when it comes to you, I want to be able to hear a pin drop. You have NO right open your mouth to allow ANYTHING negative to part from your lips about how your life sucks because you couldn’t get a new BEBE top or because Jessica Simpson’s new pumps were out of stock. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what its like to have a plan dismembered and blown to smitherines. You don’t know what it’s like to come so close to what you want and what you need, but something comes up to where you can’t get it. You’ll never understand how it feels to feel as if someone is holding your dreams by a string while it dangles in your face like you’re some kind of fucking cat. So, shut the FUCK up and get the black pair of Jessica Simpson pumps and settle for a BEBE top that is one size too big.

If you have ANY type of help, be thankful. It can always be worse: You could be doing it all on your own! You could just have to accept the fact that when a no good father says he doesn’t have it, he’s not worried about getting it because ultimately, it’s not his problem if the child doesn’t live with him. It’s not his problem if the child needs something and just because he’s too lazy to work any kind of overtime or chooses a job that only pays so much so child support is money you can only wipe your ass with, you just have to charge that to the game. And because it’s not his problem, please believe..he means it! #FML

You ever feel like crying and screaming to the top of your lungs due to frustration? You ever feel like screaming because ANYWHERE is better than here? That’s how I feel right now. So, I’ll cry and I’ll scream and then I’ll take my ass to work.

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8 Comments
  1. Lisa Scerina

    May 14, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Gurl, do not worry – things maybe rough now and frustrating…stressful but I believe things will turn around for the better as anything is truly possible thru the lord jesus christ…stay strong hun, no matter how rough it may get or is…keep being strong – as your children need you more than ever now.

    As for those who bitch and whine bout the most dumbest shit…AMEN TO WHAT YOU HAVE JUST SAID!!!! That is SOOOOOO freaking true!!! I can’t stand bitches like that either!!! I be like “SHUT THE FUCK UP & DEAL WITH IT QUIETLY CUZ I SURE AS FUCK DON’T GIVE A DAMN!!!” But sadly I be havin to hear that sometimes and due to professionalism I can’t speak my mind…or else I be known as a cold hearted bitch…pardon my language – got really bad PMS goin on here…take care hun – luv ya!
    .-= Lisa Scerina – Hooker Shoes & Formal Wear… =-.

    1. Raely B.

      May 14, 2010 at 4:52 pm

      People that do this REALLY grind my gears and to think this all spurred from a conversation that unfortunately, I was present to overhear. It just saddens me that people could be so materialistic and so ungrateful when there are people that PRAY they had just a little bit more. I feel everyone should ALWAYS be grateful because you never know who has it worse than you and to what degree they are enduring.

  2. lindsie

    May 14, 2010 at 9:30 pm

    Aw chic, I hate to see ya down :( I’m not trying to relate to you at all, your situation is totally different from mine however I just want to let you know regardless of the stress, setbacks, negativity .. whatever, at the end of the day look at where your at. From what I know so far and pictures i’ve seen .. your doing good for yourself and kids. Try to think positive, you are a great mother and regardless of stress, depression at the end of the day you have your beautiful kids. And that is the most important thing to know your doing good and trying your best for them. I may have not experienced much of anything that you have been through with the “father” situations but we’ve had our financial setbacks, but I just try not to get too personal and only write about all the positive stuff. But your a single parent which is 10000 times harder than what any “couple/married couple” could possibly go through and hunni I give you so much freakin credit. You are strong and just keep that independent attitude going and you’ll be fine. Think positive, stay positive and be positive. Just want to let you know how much of a great person you are and don’t put yourself down.

    1. Raely B.

      May 15, 2010 at 1:45 pm

      I’m sure you guys have had your dilemmas and I commend the both of you for having faith in each other to get through those problems and remaining truth to one another. I don’t want you to think that this post is geared to you and your lifestyle because I definitely didn’t intend composing this post to make you feel that way. You’re blessed–you’ve recognized your blessing–and you are retaining it and I couldn’t respect you more for doing such.

      I appreciate your kind words and I am beginning to look at more of the positive things. Sometimes it just gets overwhelming and very hard to deal with. It’s especially hard when you’re around so many unappreciative and ungrateful people. I really need to get some new friends.

  3. Shannon

    May 15, 2010 at 10:05 am

    I’m sorry that you’re going through so much and as a single mother of two, I definitely know what you’re going through. It REALLY makes me upset also when people complain about things when they know they have it better than a lot of people. Most people would argue that “we” (single mothers) put ourselves in the position to have to do what we must. It’s sad because I see us being bashed all of the time as if we’re wrong because we decided to stick it out and be there for our children. Most people will never understand the meaning of struggle unless they’ve been through it. I do believe that at some time or another, we get everything that we’ve been working for. Our patience is often worn thin but when I look at my children, I know it’s for a good cause.
    .-= Shannon – Employee Privacy =-.

    1. Raely B.

      May 15, 2010 at 1:53 pm

      You always have the PERFECT thing to say. I’ve been in SO many arguments in regards to this situation where the outcome is, “Nobody told you to have a kid.” To me, that’s equivalent to saying, “Nobody told you to receive God’s blessing.” because my kids definitely are blessings to me. I’ll never blame them for the stress that I endure or any type of hardship. My job is to make sure they are unaffected by those hardships.

      Single mothers are not given enough credit. And when it comes to the “low-life” fathers, they say whatever because they don’t have to deal with it. For once, I’d like my son’s father to get a taste of what it’s like to care for a child all the time even when time is not available. I want him to see how it feels to always be on borrowed time. However, I’m too afraid that he’d continue to live his life like he has no responsibility as he does now.

      I know God has a plan for me. It’s just hard to maintain a specific amount of patience to reap the benefits of that ultimate plan.

      1. Shannon

        May 15, 2010 at 9:25 pm

        I’ve learned one thing when dealing with argument with people about this matter – there’s no point sometimes because people will always have something negative to say, period, it doesn’t matter what situation you’re in. I think it’s really sad that we’re bashed, but at the same time, people have no idea what’s like going through the things that we do and instead of offering encouragement, they try to put us down. On that note, those types of people are better off not being a part of our lives anyway.
        .-= Shannon – Employee Privacy =-.

  4. Dominique

    May 21, 2010 at 12:59 am

    You have to cry and scream out that negative energy you feel sometimes. If they won’t help, then someone else will. There’s nothing worst than having someone else have something you want in their power and control. It kind of feels like it’s killing the little bit of faith you have left. But you’re crying and screaming with joy now! :-)

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