I came here with the intention to type an entry. To give some sort of update, but I’m at a lost for words. Being blindsided is one of the worst feelings in the world. Next to realizing that you completely wasted your time, energy, and emotions on someone who ultimately wasn’t worth it.

The last feeling I’d ever thought I’d feel was hate. But, I do. Hate and regret. Dismay. Complete worthlessness.

It’s amazing how you can spend so much time with a person and still not know who they really are.

For some strange reason, I always think there’s some good in a person who seems so evil and rotten, when they’re really rotten to the core.

Friends. They’re dropping like flies.

I wrote this post yesterday. On Mother’s Day. After discovering some disheartening things and learning about a few unfortunate events, I wanted to stay in my bed with the covers to my neck and just sulk deep within my despair and disappointment. I skipped church, mainly because I wanted to speak with God alone. I stayed home because I didn’t even have the energy to suppress my anger and sadness.

But, then something came over me. My selfishness subsided. There was absolutely no reason that I should be in bed being absent during a celebration of life and motherhood. My family deserved for me to be in their presence to celebrate such a blessing.

It turned out to be one of the greatest days of my life. Fishing and conversing with my family and friends.

I woke up this morning, grateful that I came to my senses and refused to let the actions and ill wills of others impact my happiness. Those tears of sadness, suddenly turned into tears of Happiness. Gratefulness. Overwhelming Joy.

You gotta love blessings in disguise.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Today was a David Bitton & Ralph Lauren kind of day. I haven’t been in the best mood, but I refused to look the part. So, I grabbed my favorite pair of Buffalos, my coral pink button up, and took on the day. Last week has been an overwhelming week for me and it’s only going to get even more hectic. School is right around the corner for my daughter and I, and I’m in awe at all the things that I still need to get done. Life has me in a chokehold right now, and I’m not feeling that.

My plans fell through that I had for the weekend. My anemia is really draining the life out of me. I stayed in bed all day Sunday because I didn’t even have the energy to get up and do anything. I felt weak all day and when I had to get up to fix dinner for my son, the world spun around me. I’ve tried to avoid the medication, but it’s getting to the point where it’s becoming detrimental to my health. And with school starting, I need all the energy that I can get.

Needless to say, I’m feeling much better today. I’m still a little tired but eating smaller snacks throughout the day is helping me retain some energy. I am realizing now that’s it going to take more than snacks to put me in the range where I need to be. (The last time I was checked in May, I was at an 8 when I was supposed to be between 10 – 12.) It’s not that I’m stubborn, it’s just that I don’t want to feel dependent on any type of medicine. But, like I’ve mentioned, it’s getting to the point where I won’t even have a choice. My kids need me to be alright – I need me to be alright. So, I’m waving the white flag. Gimme the pills.

I seriously cannot WAIT until all of the moving, unpacking, and renovations are complete. Maybe if I clear out some of the clutter, it’ll make me feel better and I won’t feel so overwhelmed.