est1987.net » Adversity

Allow me to HUMBLE you..

Raely B. — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 23:46:35 +0000

Disclaimer: If this offends you, you’re welcome. I hope I’ve humbled you today.

It puzzles me how a person gathers the stones that are thrown at them everyday only to launch them in your direction. It amazes me how one can pick at every intricate detail that surrounds someone else’s life without considering the thought of taking a gander at theirs. Have we all forgotten or overlooked the obvious and blatant fact that we are all human and therefore, we are far from perfect? I recently checked myself for clarity and I’m definitely human. Nevertheless, I won’t apologize for that.

It takes a sufficient amount of energy to constantly point out the faults and imperfections of others while trying to ignore your own. Let’s be honest here: from saving face to unnecessary justifications due to guilt, the chores are quite tiring. Personally, I cannot thrive off of negativity and/or tearing down one’s house to build my home. What type of foundation is expected to withhold all of that guilt in the end? Surely, one can’t really think that a house built on such said foundation, won’t come tumbling down. Maybe I’m the only individual who can’t stomach such vile activity. Or maybe it fills the nothingness of some. For me, it definitely doesn’t satisfy any type of void that may exist. My soul thirsts for positive fulfillment. It always has.

Although done everyday, none of us, as humans, are in any type of position to judge the next, especially when we have created the same acts publicly and/or privately. Sin is sin, regardless of the degree. With that being said, you are definitely no better than the person you are trying to judge or have judged. I’m definitely guilty of doing the aforementioned; however, I’ve learned the difference in educated judgments and opinions. I wish more people would do the same.

Check my Statistics ▼

I’ve been taunted because I’ve had two children at a very young age by two different men. These particular individuals all have had children out of wedlock by different men. What’s puzzling is that I’m trying to figure out the difference? I’m on a quest to discover the primary discrepancy amongst myself and those individuals. I just can’t see it and I’m starting to grow weary of this task. What’s so amazing to me is their rationale and justifications behind their sin. It was their choice to bring a child into the world out of wedlock by different men. But I.. oh I was just careless and only did it to keep a “man” around. (The comment was autobiographical, needless to say) Nevertheless, sin is sin. Align us all side by side and ask us if we’re married and we’ll all have no other choice but to agree to the fact that we all have bastard children. (respectfully termed.)

My Statistics

I got pregnant with my daughter in high school. I gave birth to her AFTER I graduated in the top 25% with a 3.5 GPA. I was 26/104.

I began college the semester after I gave birth to my daughter. I didn’t move far away, or to another city and leave her in the care of my mother or relatives. I saved money for my own apartment, in which I moved into before my daughter turned 1 years old.

I have entered my fourth year of college and now I have two kids whom I support. My daughter is now of school age and I make sure she is cared for academically as that has already been proven to her teachers. I guess that stemmed from her also “graduating” when I graduated high school. After all, she was in my womb. [Paraphrased version. The original quote can be found by the individual who got pregnant twice while in college. It's probably safe to assume that she must have smart kids as well.]

I juggle parenthood, school, and work with little complaint. I’ve accepted that I basically have to do this alone there is not a day that I blame my children for my busy life and sometimes stressful life. Furthermore, I make sure to spend quality time with them and I LOVE IT!

For more information, please visit Iyanna, Imari, and I – Always updating!

I was a 17-year-old, pregnant high school graduate. I am a 23-year-old African American mother of two beautiful, gifted children who WILL graduate college to better our lives, no matter how long it takes.

≡

In essence, we are all statistics in some shape or form. You can belong to the negative aggregation, or the positive. It’s your choice. So to all you individuals who quote lyrics that you only have “kids with one baby daddy” (what is a baby daddy exactly?), be careful because that relationship can end and you’ll then have three kids and two different fathers . What’s even worse, you could be doing it alone–all over again.

Regardless of who it is said to, the ignorant commentary is quite annoying. Be cautious in regards to what you say about others. Be careful of the direction the casting of your stones take as they may make their way back to you! Maps and compasses can be purchased via Amazon.com.

No subliminals. No shade.

Protected: 24 hours

Raely B. — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 17:34:30 +0000

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Paging Doctor Coe.

Raely B. — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:23:42 +0000

“..In most cases, all a child may need is their mother–they’ll need their mother to kiss or rub away the pain. But when the mommy kisses aren’t sufficient enough, that’s when we come in. “

Do you remember those mommy/daddy kisses? Your curious mind could lead you to endure what seems like the most unimaginable and horrible pain ever felt, at least until mommy or daddy planted that soothing and remedial kiss on your face. There was nothing that a band-aid, Neosporin, and a kiss from mommy and daddy that couldn’t make all that “pain” subside. I find myself doing this with my children. My grandmother used to always say, “Let their cry be music to your ears. You have to really listen to understand.”

Now that I fully understand what she meant, I can immediately determine what type of relief I’d have to provide based on the intensity of their cries. In most cases, I’d only have to kiss their little foreheads and tell them how mommy loves them and it’ll be okay. Then there are times where it takes swaddling-while-singing sessions along with all of my “I-love-yous”. Nevertheless, my kisses always provided therapy for their pain. But for the last two nights, there was nothing I could do for Imari. Recently, I’ve had to deal with a new type of pain–a pain that I could not force to subside.

More ►

I took Imari to the emergency room around 12 AM. He cried the whole time we were there, which was about 2-1/2 hours. My son was in great pain and I felt so helpless. At times, he didn’t even want me to hold him and it really hurt my feelings. Then, he’d walk to me as if he wanted me to pick him up, but the wailing increased! It was hard to control him but even harder to console him.

A doctor finally came in after I literally walked out into the corridor pleading for assistance in regards to Imari. I’ve never been in a position where there was nothing I could do to make my children feel better. ~~I felt worthless and useless~~. Luckily, a doctor was nice enough to come to my aid and look at my son. It was concluded that Imari had a MAJOR inner ear infection which apparently caused great pain to him. I had to use almost all the force that remained ~~within my useless ass~~ to hold my son down while the doctor gathered that information. Coincidentally, that only made matters worse for me because Imari didn’t even want me to hold him afterwards. He scratched, kicked, hit, and slapped me in no particular order. He had this look as if he didn’t understand why I held him like I did. In actuality, I never had to. That fact alone caused me to dwell within a state of lamentation. I tried to kiss him, but he rejected me. My infamous mommy kisses were counterproductive. I’ve never felt so inferior.

About 10 minutes later, the nurses came in to administer a shot and pain medication. Shortly after another wrestling match and increasing his level of spite that he may have had for me, he fell asleep. I felt relieved that my baby boy was finally able to rest. It had been two days since I was able to see him crack a smile in between his snoring. His little snores were soothing to my years.

Shortly after, the doctor returned and I could tell he could feel how relieved I was. By then, my tears had dried on my face but still served as evidence of such a toiling battle for peace. He told me he understood how I felt.

“..In most cases, all a child may need is their mother–they’ll need their mother to kiss or rub away the pain. But when the mommy kisses aren’t sufficient enough, that’s when we come in. “

I couldn’t thank Dr. Coe enough. To express my undying gratitude, I’m going to write someone in some place where it matters to acknowledge this man’s compassion and sympathy. Some doctors can’t see past your “health coverage” along with race and/or creed. Dr. Coe didn’t care–he saw a mother and child in need and he put the smile back on my son’s face and a everlasting smile in my heart.

Devil, get OFF me!

Raely B. — Thu, 27 May 2010 18:29:09 +0000

I’m still making funny faces. Southern University is sending me through HELL to get my financial aid by simply pouring salt and lemon juice on wounds that haven’t even healed. To recieve my financial aid, because one of my teachers did not allow me to make up my work and gave me an incomplete, I have to obtain a death certificate, a notarized statement of me being related to my grandmother, AND a program. In addition to this, my daughter is asking to go and “see great mo-mo”. I haven’t been to the grave site since the funeral. Now, I’m thinking I should take a little trip to see.

Anyways, since I already have plans for this summer and that money will definitely be a help, I’m getting everything together and mailing it off. I already know my classes will be purged, my financial aid will be delayed, and I’ll have to get overrides for each class which will have to include a statement from EACH teacher informing them that I have been attending. The devil stays busy!

This won’t stop me.

Summer School – June 3.

Raely B. — Mon, 17 May 2010 20:34:12 +0000

I’m starting summer school June 3.

I dreamt last night of my first day of class. I woke up and checked our registration system and I saw ‘Pell Grant – $2675 – Accepted by Student’ under my financial aid information. When I arrived at work, I immediately called my school to see if I had received the grant and he gave me the greatest news I literally dreamt about.

I have received the grant plus I got approved for an educational loan in the amount of $1900+. I’m not sure if I want to accept the loan but I think I just might. There’s a few things that I need and want to do this summer and that money will be very beneficial in attaining such.

I feel so relieved–I feel so relieved that this expense is no longer a burden for me. I can’t even explain how thankful I am that God has given me such favor. He is ALWAYS on time. A-L-W-A-Y-S on time.

I literally sat at my desk and I shed a few tears–tears of happiness, relief, joy, solace..

My grandmother used to sing this song. She had an amazing voice and I’m sure that’s where my sister inherited a quality that I covet. She’d walk all through the house singing:

“…yes He will fix it for you..He knows just what to do. Whenever you pray, let Him have His way, and He will fix it for you.“

When she sang, I never understood who “He” was. Now, He and I are on a first name basis.