Filed under: All About ME
I’m really trying to keep my cool and refrain from getting upset. I’ve been so peaceful these last few weeks and I love it! Recently, I’ve been bombarded with calls and texts from my son’s father asking if we can talk about our problems and get past our differences and be together. I agreed with him up until the moment he said get back together. I’m not sure what else I can do to explain to this boy that it is over. Hell, even when C.W. had a little conversation with him, I thought he got the picture. Apparently he didn’t. It’s sickening that I can’t live my own life freely because this dumb fuck is the most ignorant person that I’ve ever dated. That’s obvious to everyone. He’s the only one that doesn’t comprehend dated.
restraining order, maybe?
Anyways, I’m almost done decorating. My sister is moving out of my house tomorrow so I can put things in places where her boxes were and take a few pictures for you all to see. But, I have a preview! This is just one side of the living room. It’s kind of hard to take a picture backwards with a laptop without including yourself in the picture. Please excuse the quality. I haven’t removed the plastic. LOL.
I’ll have move pictures later, maybe. I’m still looking for a few ivory plants. I LOVE ivory plants! They are so easy to take care of. I’m just cautious about Imari messing with them. We’ll see.
March 10, 2010
I won’t pretend I’m good at forgiving. But I can’t hate you, although I have tried. I still really, really love you. Love is stronger than pride..–Sade
Guilty of submission. I’m am amissed for succumbing to my true feelings. But, I am human. I am in complete opposition of how I want to feel. I wanted to forget him, to erase him from my thoughts, or to even make his entire existence and what we were, obsolete. As a result of my efforts, I am left to endure this unexpected reprisal. My first thought was to shun the responsibility of dealing with this actuality. But, what sense would it make to lie to myself but despise others who lie to me?
Act of submission. I sat in my bed, alone, last night. The silence was deafening. The darkness was blinding. I felt alone. I was so used to falling asleep to the melodic sounds of his heavy snoring. I missed that. I really, really missed that. I missed looking at him with his shirt off. I missed seeing his overnight bag in the right walk in closet and his Polo boots in the left. I HATED those boots but they looked so good on him. I missed his scent. And I swear, after staring at four blank walls because he was supposed to hang up my mirrors and pictures, I thought I smelled him. After snapping back into reality and convincing myself that I’m not crazy, I did what any woman would do–any woman who is smitten.
It took 6 words, 24 letters, and 3 puncutation marks to sum how I really felt about C.W. and relay it to him: x x x x, I really, really miss you.
It only took him three words to reward me for following my heart: I love you.
This is the reiteration.
March 5, 2010
Have you ever met someone that was addicted to anarchy and chaos? Have you ever met the acquaintance of a person that has no order in their life so they cause disorder in the lives of others? Unfortunately, I’ve encountered a myriad of individuals that are addicted to commotion and drama in any cast or form. My theory is that this dysfunction comes from a lack of control or regulation within themselves. I feel as though these anarchists have no control or form within their lives so it’s almost imperative that they cause the same for others. How foolish of me to think that these same individuals that reek of complacency and vanity would have enough self-love to indulge deeply into their own bad habits.
If I were just as mentally unbalanced, I’d totally be willing and ready to entertain nonsense and drama. Last year, I would have responded almost instantly just to showcase my ability with words and my verbal assassinating skills. But, that was last year. Things that I thought that mattered then, are obsolete to me today. Ultimately, I live a wonderful life. I am happy and I feel blessed. There are occassions where life gets hard and I would just rather pull the covers over my head than take on the day. Luckily, there’s always this insanity that goes on around me that pushes me to get up and prove everyone wrong. More importantly though, it is the sanity that I possess that promotes me to prove myself right.
»More?
Is this a castigation? Are my intentions to defame anyone in particular? Of course not!There are too many names to count and I don’t have enough fingers to point out the culprits that fit this description. What would be the point? They know exactly who they are without a special broadcast from yours truly on any social or interpersonal network, although such is available upon request. It’s apparent. This disease is so widespread and massive that individual recognition and acknowledgement would serve absolutely no purpose, function or resolve. So, what’s the solution? Where is the antidote? The neutralizer? Can someone please share the ingredients to this much needed elixir that will annihilate all of these individuals with this vexing and plaguing sickness? Dismally, there is none. Nevertheless, the strength and vehemence, the extension of my vertebrae, and my caliber of tenacity, never ceases to exist because I have elected to remain oblivious to such ignorance and asininity. Thus is the ultimate satisfaction!
Don’t blame me! Let me be! 
Uhh, THE END!
March 1, 2010
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