I came here with the intention to type an entry. To give some sort of update, but I’m at a lost for words. Being blindsided is one of the worst feelings in the world. Next to realizing that you completely wasted your time, energy, and emotions on someone who ultimately wasn’t worth it.

The last feeling I’d ever thought I’d feel was hate. But, I do. Hate and regret. Dismay. Complete worthlessness.

It’s amazing how you can spend so much time with a person and still not know who they really are.

For some strange reason, I always think there’s some good in a person who seems so evil and rotten, when they’re really rotten to the core.

Friends. They’re dropping like flies.

I wrote this post yesterday. On Mother’s Day. After discovering some disheartening things and learning about a few unfortunate events, I wanted to stay in my bed with the covers to my neck and just sulk deep within my despair and disappointment. I skipped church, mainly because I wanted to speak with God alone. I stayed home because I didn’t even have the energy to suppress my anger and sadness.

But, then something came over me. My selfishness subsided. There was absolutely no reason that I should be in bed being absent during a celebration of life and motherhood. My family deserved for me to be in their presence to celebrate such a blessing.

It turned out to be one of the greatest days of my life. Fishing and conversing with my family and friends.

I woke up this morning, grateful that I came to my senses and refused to let the actions and ill wills of others impact my happiness. Those tears of sadness, suddenly turned into tears of Happiness. Gratefulness. Overwhelming Joy.

You gotta love blessings in disguise.

Happy Mother’s Day!

- I saw my first Cirque du Soleil show, Alegria. Saying that it was and amazing show is an understatement, but it was indeed a phenomenal presentation. I loved every minute of it and was even suckered into purchasing a bag, a bag that I’m sure only cost about $.35 to make. But, I was proud to have my little souvenir.

- I went to Global Wildlife – TWICE! The second time was with my daughter and her class, sans my son. Sometimes, you just need to get a little alone time in with one child at a time. I love our Mother-Daughter time just as much as my Mother-Son time as much as our Family time.

 

 

- I went to Mississippi with one of my best friends. I always find it fun when he calls and says, “Hey, I’m headed to such-and-such, are you riding?” Louisiana’s weather is crazy and this trip was taken mid February. Yes, in February I was in Biloxi, MS on the beach…having a good time, nevertheless.

 

- I bought my first car. Yep. At 23 years old, I financed my own car. I’m still in disbelief that this actually happened, but I’m glad that I was able to do such. My first car, Emma, put me through it and I was not about to waste money on another motor. So, I saved – and penny pinched – and went without a lot of things to save for a down payment. And it happened. I love my 2010 Hyundai Sonata aka The Silver Bullet.

- I visited Atlanta for the first time. And well, I fell in love with Downtown Atlanta. Initially, plans of traveling to Atlanta didn’t look so good, but luckily, everything went as planned. I finally got a chance to gas up the “Silver Bullet” and drive across two states. My sister and I had a great time. We got a really good rate on a room for the weekend at the Marriott Marquis and made it to Atlanta in 6-1/2 hours. (Yes, we broke all kinds of traffic laws.) By the time we made it to the hotel, it took us about 8 hours to finally get up and go somewhere. I could have stayed in bed all day.

 

- The kids, my sister and I drove to Mississippi for a day at the beach. This was the second “spur of the moment” road trip to Mississippi for me. They had a really great time there. We went in early October because it was still very hot.

 

- I went out and participated in my university’s homecoming festivities with friends. I hadn’t gone out in a while and I needed this. I LOVE the Greek shows and going out to party afterwards was a blast. I dealt with the aftermath of partying all night until 5AM and having to work at 8AM, but I had a great time. I slept from the time I got off on Saturday and didn’t get out the bed Sunday morning. O,O

 

- I had two amazing school semesters. Dean’s List of of course. :beep beep: I’m working hard to improving my GPA, which will in turn, create more opportunities for me. I’ve applied for acceptance into Southern University’s National Science Institute and I’m waiting to hear from them when the new semester begins January 17.

- I landed my first internship. I should have had an internship during my Sophmore and Junior years, but I have on nonetheless. What does it entail? Well, I’ll discuss that more in detail when I begin on January 17, 2012.

- I loved again. I did something that I thought I couldn’t do. . that I was scared to do. . that I was too angry and hurt to do after the epic fail that was my son’s father and I. But I did it and it was one of the best moments this year.

 
 

So, did I accomplish what I said I would accomplish from my first post of January 2011? I think so.
After all..

I lived.

I laughed.

And I loved.

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I didn’t get a chance to travel as much as I would have hoped for, but that was mainly because I was in desperate need of some wheels. I believe that was one of the highlights of my summer. I’m still in awe about my acheivement. It feels good being able to get into a car that I know will start and get me here, there and everywhere. I have yet to put the Silver Bullet to the highway test, but the summer isn’t over just yet. Hopefully after church this Sunday, we’re headed to Florida, or Mississippi, before they go back to school. That’ll at least give them something to share with their little friends when they return to school next week.

There’s a lot to be done this week. Besides getting settled in the house, I still need to get school supplies for my daughter, clothes, shoes, hair accessories – and not to mention, my son is going to need some things to for his school. As for me, school starts soon and returning to take on a new semester creates an indifferent feeling for me. I’m ready to return, but coincidentally, I could definitely go for a few more weeks before I have to return to such responsibilities. As with the start of any semester, I plan to remain organized. One of the things that I’m excited about, though, is shopping for school supplies. I’m a nerd and I can spend hours in Office Depot testing out pens, Sharpie markers, and the like.

The ending of the summer is always bittersweet to me, though. I was able to appreciate every event that has occurred. The smiles, the laughter, the tears, the accomplishments, the triumphs, the tribulations – everything. So besides the hot weather that permits cute summer outfits with bright colors, cookouts, late nights with daquiris, and weekend trips, my summers always present me with the opportunity to grow and to become a stronger person. It provides introspective moments, as well as time for self-reflection. And that, is what I look forward to each year.

I’ve hit my head on the ceiling multiple times. I’m sore from reaching and climbing up and down the ladder. I can STILL smell the varnish and paint. Oh, and let’s not forget my thumb’s struggle with a knife. Yea, it’s like that.

I can’t wait until I get situated. It’s been a fun process but I’m not trying to make it a longer process than it already is. I need to be moved in before August so I won’t have to deal with any of this when school starts for my daughter and I. I’ve been calculating the amount of money that I’ll be saving and I’m wondering why I haven’t decided to do this sooner? And let’s not even get on the extra time that I’ll have to get to do things that I haven’t done in so long.

I work too hard to not be able to spend my money the way I want to spend it. But now, I plan to.