F I N
There is only so much my patience and my heart will allow. I no longer have a tolerance for this ignorance, this stupidity, and this nonsense. Am I angry? No. Am I jealous? No. Nevertheless, I give my blessing to ANY “woman” who loves a man that doesn’t take care of his kids but someone else’s. I’m leaving it all behind. I am walking away. White flag? I never surrender. But, when you know the battle is not worth winning, when you know the game is not worth bragging to those you have defeated, you fold..shamelessly.
I’ve been working overtime this whole month since the semester ended. I wanted to make Christmas special as I knew Imari’s father wouldn’t. It was Imari’s first Christmas and I wanted it to be memorable. Indeed, it was. I thank myself for that. I thank myself for working 50-60 a week and bringing home $1000-$1200 checks. I thank myself for not complaining or calling in when I was sick. I applaud myself for getting my daughter and my niece everything they asked for. Seeing all of their faces Christmas morning was priceless. I cried I was so happy. I cried because I was proud of myself for my hardwork. I cried because I remember never seeing my father during this time because of all the overtime he put in for my selfishness and me wanting everything. I thank him for instilling that same characteristic in me. I know how he feels.
2010 will be an even better year. I’m shifting my focus. I’m removing people from my life who are not positive and who pray for the day of my demise to come sooner than later. My number is changing. My address may change and I’m letting go and I’m starting over. I’ll continue to be both mom and dad for my son as my daughter’s father plays a significant role in her life. I am truly thankful for that. I’ve been patient for an entire year, not demanding much from my son’s father. Considering the fact that Imari lives with me and I provide for him solely, I didn’t think $100, which is half of the daycare premium, was too much to ask for. Apparently it was because I never received a cent. The most Imari has ever received from his “father” were the cheapest brand of diapers (46/56 count) and used clothes from a cousin. Everything that Imari has is a result of my labor. But you know what? Now that I think about it, when I say that, it doesn’t sound so bad.
All of this back and forth via statuses, text messages, etc. is ending with me. It’ll be continued but I won’t respond. I’m done with it. Maybe Imari’s father will change..but umm, who are we kidding? I know what will change; the fact that I won’t be on the defensive end or the offensive end or even caught in the middle of TWO narcisstic, egotistical, self-concious, immature, and insecure individuals. I will not be at the mercy of Karma. Nope, not me!
So, here’s my hand. I have no spades. Considering that fact, I’m walking away with all that I have, instead of continuing to play this game and losing everything. Everything I have, my worth, my dignity, my pride, my sanity, is weighed on a different scale. I’m of a higher caliber. *throws in hand, gets up and pushes chair under the table.. looks for the nearest booth to cash in her chips..*
9 Comments December 29, 2009
