Filed under: Loserville, USA
Last night, I received a series of text messages from my son’s father telling me that he was still in love, he just wanted to talk, and he was sorry. First off, I don’t know what he is sorry about so that had me a little perplexed. Wait, it didn’t have me perplexed because I really didn’t care. Second, there is no reason to talk. I bestowed my ear out of sympathy when it should have been in regards of empathy. I really need to learn how to distinguish between the two and administer them accordingly. Third, I get SO annoyed when he constantly tells me he’s still in love while in the same breath, he’s going to do me something bad because I’m not falling for this nonsense. As a result for me no longer being naive, he claims he’s going to pay someone to teach me a lesson. Meanwhile, he has yet to financial support Imari in the manner that he should and Imari’s premium for daycare was paid in full by yours truly.
Well, LET’S GO! Vámonos! At this point, I don’t care what is done, when it is done, how it is done, whatever! I am so SICK of this BS and everything that is associated with what we once were–private calls from ghetto broads, irrelevant and redundant SMS messages, and constant visits to my site by unwanted visitors. I refuse to change my number, I just received it in December. I refuse to change my address, I ADORE where I reside, and I refuse to change my domain. I’m happy with my purchase. I think I’ll end up resorting to private entries, completely. I can do without some of the “local” visitors–I don’t need my outlet publicized. If I was a comment whore, I’d post notes on Facebook. Rather this is the place where I release what’s inside of me, my troubles, my joys, my pain, my happiness. This is my therapy. I’d like to keep it that way.
March 9, 2010
Have you ever met someone that was addicted to anarchy and chaos? Have you ever met the acquaintance of a person that has no order in their life so they cause disorder in the lives of others? Unfortunately, I’ve encountered a myriad of individuals that are addicted to commotion and drama in any cast or form. My theory is that this dysfunction comes from a lack of control or regulation within themselves. I feel as though these anarchists have no control or form within their lives so it’s almost imperative that they cause the same for others. How foolish of me to think that these same individuals that reek of complacency and vanity would have enough self-love to indulge deeply into their own bad habits.
If I were just as mentally unbalanced, I’d totally be willing and ready to entertain nonsense and drama. Last year, I would have responded almost instantly just to showcase my ability with words and my verbal assassinating skills. But, that was last year. Things that I thought that mattered then, are obsolete to me today. Ultimately, I live a wonderful life. I am happy and I feel blessed. There are occassions where life gets hard and I would just rather pull the covers over my head than take on the day. Luckily, there’s always this insanity that goes on around me that pushes me to get up and prove everyone wrong. More importantly though, it is the sanity that I possess that promotes me to prove myself right.
»More?
Is this a castigation? Are my intentions to defame anyone in particular? Of course not!There are too many names to count and I don’t have enough fingers to point out the culprits that fit this description. What would be the point? They know exactly who they are without a special broadcast from yours truly on any social or interpersonal network, although such is available upon request. It’s apparent. This disease is so widespread and massive that individual recognition and acknowledgement would serve absolutely no purpose, function or resolve. So, what’s the solution? Where is the antidote? The neutralizer? Can someone please share the ingredients to this much needed elixir that will annihilate all of these individuals with this vexing and plaguing sickness? Dismally, there is none. Nevertheless, the strength and vehemence, the extension of my vertebrae, and my caliber of tenacity, never ceases to exist because I have elected to remain oblivious to such ignorance and asininity. Thus is the ultimate satisfaction!
Don’t blame me! Let me be! 
Uhh, THE END!
March 1, 2010
“There’s a force stronger than nature..Keeps her will alive…” –Sade
*turns down Sade*
You can’t tell me I didn’t try. No one can tell me that I didn’t open my heart. I did. I opened my heart to him and I let go hoping that in return, I’d receive some type of reciprocity. Briefly, during the reintroductory period, it appeared as I did. However, that slowly faded and the person that I’d left alone three years ago reappeared and behaved in manners that demanded that I deduce the actuality of someone I thought I knew. As a result, I accepted this actuality for what it was and renounced our “relationship”. It seems as though my heart and my mind are in sync with one another. I’m glad they’ve irrevocably discovered common ground.
“He told me sweet lies of sweet love heavy with the burden of the truth [..] I wear it like a tattoo..”
C.W. and I are no longer associated with one another. The whole argument stemmed from me “..never having time for him.” and “always working and always busy..” Now, at first, I could empathize with the way he felt because I always worked, went to school, and when it was time for me to turn in, I slept hard without thinking about calling. I was willing to work on that. I actually thought it was kind of cute that he wanted to be with me so often. If only that was the extent of the argument yesterday..
“When you came my way, you brightened every day with your sweet smile. Didn’t I tell you what I believe? Did somebody say that a love like that won’t last? Didn’t I give you all that I’ve got to give..?”
I think I’m better off single, at least until I finish with my school career. Maybe I really don’t have the time to deal with the highs and lows of a relationship. I refuse to put my children, school, or work on the back burner because of some piece of wood. It’s amazing how the same thing that can attract a guy, can turn him away. Who would have ever thought it’d be my work ethic, my ambition, and my wanting to better myself and acquire knowledge? I can’t sit here and lie and say I wish he was a little more considerate because that’s all I’d be doing, wishing. I’m not a wisher. Wishing turns into wishful thinking and I’m not a wishful thinker. I’m a realist and I accept realism in it’s rarest form. Any guy/person who cannot accept that, I’ll “except” them. I’ll continue with my life except that individual won’t be in it.
Like the scar of age written all over my face. The war is still raging inside of me. I still feel the chill as I reveal my shame to you. I wear it like a tattoo.
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February 27, 2010
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