I wrote a post yesterday about my animosity that I have towards my son’s relationship with his father. After rereading and proofreading that post, I realized that I have no other choice but to accept it. I have to accept that whenever DeadBeatty McSmeety decides for 2 hours that he wants to play daddy, it is what it is. It’s definitely a hard pill to swallow, especially when my son seems to disregard my presence when DeadBob BeatPants decides to invade our lives.

I know I may be looking into this a little bit deeply but can you blame me? I’m changing the diapers, buying clothes, preparing meals, planning trips, playing in the park, wrestling, playing “catch”, and kissing “owies”. I’m the one who possesses this magical power to oblierate tears with a single kiss. It’s hard to accept the fact that some person who uses the term father so loosely, can come around when he wants, and for that little time, he can do all that I do effortlessly.

As a result of my jealously for what seems to be so natural to someone who can careless, there exists an abhorrence and repulsion for him. Subsidence and remission are not in the vicinity. Respect for such a being has been evicted and all that remains is an immense vacancy for someone deserving, like me. Eventually, I’ll put my armor down and speculate the election to simmer. I’m realizing that the energy that I spend resenting him will ultimately be the result of my demise. Thus, when this animosity causes insanity, when I’m filled to the brim with rage and disgust, and when I’m driven to totally displace myself from what is considered my own normalcy, what will he be doing? Living.

I plan on living. I deserve to live and to be free. From now on, this energy will be used to improve my quality of living, my happiness, and my total freedom. I know I’ll never truly and whole-heartedly accept this bond. I can’t accept it because the fact will always remain that he is not of appropriate value to obtain such. And to retain it is nothing short of blasphemy! It’s insulting because I’ve never denied my child. I never opted out in regards to my name being printed on his birth certificate. I never missed a program at his school. I never complained about “playing daddy” when De-De didn’t want to be “De-De.” Yet he can do such and expect to be revered. Never will I respect him. I can’t. But I can’t deny the obvious joyous association. I won’t say that I hate this affliation, so in the meantime, I’ll just say that I hate that I love it.

I love oxymorons.

Disclaimer: If this offends you, you’re welcome. I hope I’ve humbled you today.

It puzzles me how a person gathers the stones that are thrown at them everyday only to launch them in your direction. It amazes me how one can pick at every intricate detail that surrounds someone else’s life without considering the thought of taking a gander at theirs. Have we all forgotten or overlooked the obvious and blatant fact that we are all human and therefore, we are far from perfect? I recently checked myself for clarity and I’m definitely human. Nevertheless, I won’t apologize for that.

It takes a sufficient amount of energy to constantly point out the faults and imperfections of others while trying to ignore your own. Let’s be honest here: from saving face to unnecessary justifications due to guilt, the chores are quite tiring. Personally, I cannot thrive off of negativity and/or tearing down one’s house to build my home. What type of foundation is expected to withhold all of that guilt in the end? Surely, one can’t really think that a house built on such said foundation, won’t come tumbling down. Maybe I’m the only individual who can’t stomach such vile activity. Or maybe it fills the nothingness of some. For me, it definitely doesn’t satisfy any type of void that may exist. My soul thirsts for positive fulfillment. It always has.

Although done everyday, none of us, as humans, are in any type of position to judge the next, especially when we have created the same acts publicly and/or privately. Sin is sin, regardless of the degree. With that being said, you are definitely no better than the person you are trying to judge or have judged. I’m definitely guilty of doing the aforementioned; however, I’ve learned the difference in educated judgments and opinions. I wish more people would do the same.

Check my Statistics ▼

I’ve been taunted because I’ve had two children at a very young age by two different men. These particular individuals all have had children out of wedlock by different men. What’s puzzling is that I’m trying to figure out the difference? I’m on a quest to discover the primary discrepancy amongst myself and those individuals. I just can’t see it and I’m starting to grow weary of this task. What’s so amazing to me is their rationale and justifications behind their sin. It was their choice to bring a child into the world out of wedlock by different men. But I.. oh I was just careless and only did it to keep a “man” around. (The comment was autobiographical, needless to say) Nevertheless, sin is sin. Align us all side by side and ask us if we’re married and we’ll all have no other choice but to agree to the fact that we all have bastard children. (respectfully termed.)

My Statistics

I got pregnant with my daughter in high school. I gave birth to her AFTER I graduated in the top 25% with a 3.5 GPA. I was 26/104.

I began college the semester after I gave birth to my daughter. I didn’t move far away, or to another city and leave her in the care of my mother or relatives. I saved money for my own apartment, in which I moved into before my daughter turned 1 years old.

I have entered my fourth year of college and now I have two kids whom I support. My daughter is now of school age and I make sure she is cared for academically as that has already been proven to her teachers. I guess that stemmed from her also “graduating” when I graduated high school. After all, she was in my womb. [Paraphrased version. The original quote can be found by the individual who got pregnant twice while in college. It's probably safe to assume that she must have smart kids as well.]

I juggle parenthood, school, and work with little complaint. I’ve accepted that I basically have to do this alone there is not a day that I blame my children for my busy life and sometimes stressful life. Furthermore, I make sure to spend quality time with them and I LOVE IT!

For more information, please visit Iyanna, Imari, and I – Always updating!

I was a 17-year-old, pregnant high school graduate. I am a 23-year-old African American mother of two beautiful, gifted children who WILL graduate college to better our lives, no matter how long it takes.

In essence, we are all statistics in some shape or form. You can belong to the negative aggregation, or the positive. It’s your choice. So to all you individuals who quote lyrics that you only have “kids with one baby daddy” (what is a baby daddy exactly?), be careful because that relationship can end and you’ll then have three kids and two different fathers . What’s even worse, you could be doing it alone–all over again.

Regardless of who it is said to, the ignorant commentary is quite annoying. Be cautious in regards to what you say about others. Be careful of the direction the casting of your stones take as they may make their way back to you! Maps and compasses can be purchased via Amazon.com.

No subliminals. No shade.