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I’m sitting here staring at the piles of paperwork that I have to complete, the information that I have to submit for verification, and calculating the time that it’ll take before a decision is reached and how many hours I’d have to work before I receive any type of assistance. I’ve never hated math as much as I do when I have to reconstruct a budget that allowed me to spend money on miscellaneous items and cater to my leisures. All the “ones” that I have to carry in regards to the expenses and all the minuses that I see in regards to my net income saddens me. I’m always extra careful when it comes to my spending and I thought I had a foolproof plan. Unless something miraculous happens in the next few weeks, unless these father a chooses to give a little extra or if father b decides to volunteer to do what he’s supposed to do, summer school is most likely out of the question, graduation has been pushed back, and my faith and willpower are running on fumes.

Instead of ranting and raving, I’ll just say this: If the father/mother of your child is providing for and supporting you and your child, you have no reason to complain. If you can spend money like their’s no tomorrow on the things that you like and want, shut your trap. If you don’t have to work overtime too often, your lips should be sealed. If you’re sleeping when YOU want to sleep, stare blank at this screen. If you don’t have to pay rent on your own, pay for child care, or provide for your child/children primarily on your own, when it comes to you, I want to be able to hear a pin drop. You have NO right open your mouth to allow ANYTHING negative to part from your lips about how your life sucks because you couldn’t get a new BEBE top or because Jessica Simpson’s new pumps were out of stock. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know what its like to have a plan dismembered and blown to smitherines. You don’t know what it’s like to come so close to what you want and what you need, but something comes up to where you can’t get it. You’ll never understand how it feels to feel as if someone is holding your dreams by a string while it dangles in your face like you’re some kind of fucking cat. So, shut the FUCK up and get the black pair of Jessica Simpson pumps and settle for a BEBE top that is one size too big.

If you have ANY type of help, be thankful. It can always be worse: You could be doing it all on your own! You could just have to accept the fact that when a no good father says he doesn’t have it, he’s not worried about getting it because ultimately, it’s not his problem if the child doesn’t live with him. It’s not his problem if the child needs something and just because he’s too lazy to work any kind of overtime or chooses a job that only pays so much so child support is money you can only wipe your ass with, you just have to charge that to the game. And because it’s not his problem, please believe..he means it! #FML

You ever feel like crying and screaming to the top of your lungs due to frustration? You ever feel like screaming because ANYWHERE is better than here? That’s how I feel right now. So, I’ll cry and I’ll scream and then I’ll take my ass to work.

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