I’ve had the chance to gain a few moments to reflect on my life — my successes, my failures, my goals, etc. I thought about some of the decisions that I’ve made, good and bad, and wondered what would have happened if I would have chosen the opposite. Granted, I could have avoided a lot of mishaps in my life, but life is filled with mishaps, disagreements, troubles, and hardships. Simultaneously, life is filled with happiness, joy, success, and opportunities.

I’m a single parent with two children, a boy and a girl, as most of you know that. You also know that I have times where I am down and other times I’m high on life. As I have no other choice, I deal with the effects that the lows have on me in private to make sure my kids are unaffected. I have moments where I cry myself to sleep because things seem to be overwhelming. Nevertheless, when morning comes, my hope has replenished itself and I’m ready to take on the day. Sometimes I wonder how easy it’ll be if I had help from their fathers. That will require me to deal with their actions–actions I don’t agree with. I don’t feel I should have to suppress my dignity or my sanity for such help. With that being said, I don’t and since I don’t, things are a bit more difficult to deal with.

I’m a single parent that attends school full-time. I am a fairly good student but I know I can be a much better one. Its become harder since the birth of my second child and I’m still adjusting to my daughter attending school, helping her with her homework and still managing to find the time to do mine. I’ve found a way to make it work; however, I’m trying to find a way to improve my method. Sometimes I think about how life would be if my family consisted of a father figure. I see nuclear/blended families all the time and it makes me wonder. I’ve always longed for it. I never intended on being single with two children with two different fathers. But then again, our intentions become obsolete and non-existent and we forget what we intended to do. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s just me, and I’m okay with that.

When I think about life, I don’t dwell on my hardships and what may seem like troubling situations. Why? Well, because I know it could always be worst. I’ve never had an easy life when I was younger, especially in high school. When you have no other choice but to work because things aren’t going so well at home, you mature faster than those who don’t have to deal with such, and you do what you have to do for your family. I started working at 15 and I was able to buy my own school supplies, my school uniforms, club dues, my cell phone bill, car notes, etc. Times for my family got really hard when my dad got laid off and I remember rarely seeing him because he worked hard to maintain. My sister and I helped out with household bills and other things. It was hard to get used to because I wanted to enjoy my money, but I got over it and realized what was more important. I never really got a chance to have a childhood like my peers, but I don’t ever regret my struggle. I realize things could have been worse.

Life hasn’t been awesome for me but it hasn’t been terrible either. I strongly believe that I wouldn’t appreciate life as much as I do now if I wouldn’t have gone through what I did. I wouldn’t take school as seriously as I do as my scholarships are a main source of me maintaining my lifestyle and household. If I didn’t have my children, I wouldn’t appreciate life and what would come. I’d have no sense of budgeting and planning.

I’ve harbored the idea of me living life differently if I could do so. I questioned if given the opportunity, would I live it the same way? ABSOLUTELY. I’d change a few things in terms to things I may have wasted money on, but I’d definitely live my life the exact same way.

This is why I’d relive my life the exact same way.

Would you?

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8 Comments
  1. Julie

    July 11, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    I try not to think about all those what-ifs and other choices I could have made. It would drive me insane. I just live my life by the philosophy that what’s meant to be will find it’s way. I think every decision to death… I seriously beat every decision into submission. Since I try to be so thorough, I know with my whole heart that I would have made the exact same decisions.
    .-= Julie – 30 Days Blogging Project =-.

  2. Shannon

    July 11, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    We both share some of the same discretions. My childhood was taken away from me when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and since my father was never around, I had to basically take on sole responsibility of my sisters. I was merely a child, but I did what I had to do. I didn’t intend on being a single mother either, as these things do tend to happen and we often can’t control them. I do understand that it can be overwhelming and you’re a great mother for doing all that you do, and we both know that all of the struggle, sweat, determination and exhaustion will pay off very well when you’ve reached your ultimate goal. Some of the greatest things in life come from struggle and hard work. We live and we learn and I believe that our experiences make us better people, even if those experiences were not good. They’re lessons, nonetheless. It’s crazy because some of the greatest people have come from homes of struggle and even broken homes, I truly believe so. Things will get better because you want them to, and you struggle for them to get better.
    .-= Shannon – Interracial Relationships =-.

  3. Cammie

    July 11, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    I myself as as single parent coming from a single parent household as well can completely understand. When it comes down to it when we look at our children we realize that if we had done things differently we may not have been blessed with them in our lives. On our darkest days they are what keeps us going.
    .-= Cammie – It’s been crazy- =-.

  4. lindsie

    July 12, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    I can deff. relate to you on growing up, maturing fast and not being able to do the same as your peers and so forth. I did not get to live my teenage years obviously because I got preg. at the age of 14. But I don’t regret it at all. I don’t really look at it as me missing out on anything because those years are partying and prom .. shit I could care less about. But at first the financial thing was a pain in the ass. First off because I had a child before I was even legally able to work so therefor Jesse had to work and at his age it was only part-time and that went to diapers, formula baby shit. But now that we are grown and he has a better job and climbed his way up to success we are able to make up for that and treat ourselves. However one thing I can say is even when I was young and not able to work he made sure to squeeze in a budget to take me out to the movies, out to eat or shopping. Im really appreciative. Even though we all have our own hardships im just glad to get this far…and for you to juggle school with 2 kids, paying bills on your OWN, raising your kids, maintaining a household yourself is just unimaginable. You don’t deserve that. But your stronger and a go getter I can see. We’ll continue to have our ups n downs but its just how you manage and handle them. God luck and I hope the fathers will eventually man up and help be a provider atleast.

  5. Hillerie Camille

    July 12, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    Just know that everything will work out. Those babies are beautiful, and they need your strength. Know that God has a plan for you.

  6. Contagious

    July 13, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    You are a woman with a lot on her plate but aside from the small struggles you seem to be holding it together and doing the best you can. Your ambition wont let you fail. Your babies are beautiful and I’m sure pure motivation for you to continue striving for the best.

  7. Nellie

    July 18, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Amazing post and its good to look and reflect on your life choices and know that you made the best decisions. Even if things haven’t always been peaches and cream. The hardships have made you a stronger and wiser person and being able to grow and mature into the woman you are.

    I love reading your blog entrys and I hope you keep accomplishing your goals.

    Take care!

  8. Dominique

    July 19, 2010 at 3:25 am

    I’m forever asking myself, “what if?”. There are definitely some things I would change if I could go back in time, but I’m more than sure I would not be in the same place I’m in right now. Sometimes going back helps you to appreciate what you have now. I’m blessed in most cases, but everyone has a story and there’s always someone worse off than you. I accept the hardships of life and grow from them as we all should do.

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