I could use a dream or a genie or a wish..
To go back to a place much simpler than this..
Even though I always seem to pull myself out of rough and troubling situations, sometimes I wish I could go back to when things were much simpler and much easier to deal with. I wish I could go back the times where Neosporin and Mommy&Daddy kisses were all it took to make all the trouble and stress subside. The stress of living on your own, raising two kids, and attending school isn’t easy to deal with everything; but I’m well aware of that. Sometimes I wish I had a dependent mindset where I would allow myself to live in my parent’s home and pocket the extra $1000 that I spend on rent and utilities a month. If that were the case, I’d have a new car and I wouldn’t be stressing about whether or not my car can even be repaired. I can treat myself to vacations and retail items that tickle my fancy. I can have money on standby that I wouldn’t be able to spend in 2 months.
But, I’ve been born with the mindset of my mother and father: working hard and having your own. These mindsets are definitely things that I don’t ever see receding. Right now, I’m dependent upon other people that I really shouldn’t even allow to help me. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m having a hard time dealing with this dependency especially when I’m used to being independent. I can deal with the thought of being dependent upon my family, but other people, this is taking some time to get used to. It’s taking a lot of out me to do things and say things that I though I’d never have to say again. Nevertheless, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I ever want to return to the state of normalcy that I’ve grown so accustomed to, I have to swallow my pride and deal with the fact that I’ll be temporarily out of my element.
And let me tell you, swallowing this pride never tasted so disgusting!