I had an instropective moment as a I gazed at myself in the mirror this morning. There was something that I saw that I hadn’t seen in quite some time. I definitely recognized the face that was being reflected, but there was this glow that my countenance exuded.
Then it hit me. I smiled. Then I cried–tears of relief.. tears of joy. Tears of pure happiness.
Complacency inhabited me. My soul was no longer void and vacant for now I housed these overwhelming feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction. And there in the mirror was I.. looking and feeling greater than I have in a very long time.
But why did I feel this way all of a sudden? It seemed that I had been fighting these feelings for so long because I felt as if I was undeserving. I felt as if I had allowed these feelings of joy and happiness to become so foreign and far away from me, that I didn’t even deserve to be reacquainted. I was at war with myself; but today, the rational person in me felt it was time to wave the white flag. And that’s exactly what I did.
- ❖ I’ve settled the score with the girl that I was. I’ve done and said things that I can’t take back; but I’ve learned valuable lessons and I’ve vowed to never make those mistakes again. I’ve put an end to several associations that have been detrimental to my growth and development. I’ve disbursed my last pardons to those who have hurt me the most.
- ❖ I have accepted things for what they are. I have always been a person who can adapt. Although the displacement of being away from what is normal to me may take some getting used to, it’s done nevertheless. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be. But I’ve realized that in a way, my imperfections help to shape the person that I am, and that person I want to become. I’m moving mountains – turning ups into downs – transposing impossibilities into all that is possible. I’m. getting. it. in!
I’ve come to terms with a lot of things and I’ve faced many facts. I can honestly say that I am truly… happy. This is a major accomplishment for me considering the place where I led myself from. I was lost. I allowed certain people to take me from me and I didn’t even fight to get me back. But one day I woke up and decided I needed to find me again and to keep me close so I’d never lose myself like that again.
And here I am — holding tightly onto the person that I am so that I can continue to grow into the person that I’m ultimately striving to become — and I’m not letting go.