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I had an instropective moment as a I gazed at myself in the mirror this morning. There was something that I saw that I hadn’t seen in quite some time. I definitely recognized the face that was being reflected, but there was this glow that my countenance exuded.

Then it hit me. I smiled. Then I cried–tears of relief.. tears of joy. Tears of pure happiness.

Complacency inhabited me. My soul was no longer void and vacant for now I housed these overwhelming feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction. And there in the mirror was I.. looking and feeling greater than I have in a very long time.

But why did I feel this way all of a sudden? It seemed that I had been fighting these feelings for so long because I felt as if I was undeserving. I felt as if I had allowed these feelings of joy and happiness to become so foreign and far away from me, that I didn’t even deserve to be reacquainted. I was at war with myself; but today, the rational person in me felt it was time to wave the white flag. And that’s exactly what I did.

    I’ve settled the score with the girl that I was. I’ve done and said things that I can’t take back; but I’ve learned valuable lessons and I’ve vowed to never make those mistakes again. I’ve put an end to several associations that have been detrimental to my growth and development. I’ve disbursed my last pardons to those who have hurt me the most.
    I have accepted things for what they are. I have always been a person who can adapt. Although the displacement of being away from what is normal to me may take some getting used to, it’s done nevertheless. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be. But I’ve realized that in a way, my imperfections help to shape the person that I am, and that person I want to become. I’m moving mountains – turning ups into downs – transposing impossibilities into all that is possible. I’m. getting. it. in!

I’ve come to terms with a lot of things and I’ve faced many facts. I can honestly say that I am truly… happy. This is a major accomplishment for me considering the place where I led myself from. I was lost. I allowed certain people to take me from me and I didn’t even fight to get me back. But one day I woke up and decided I needed to find me again and to keep me close so I’d never lose myself like that again.

And here I am — holding tightly onto the person that I am so that I can continue to grow into the person that I’m ultimately striving to become — and I’m not letting go.

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7 Comments
  1. Miss Dre

    June 20, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Beautifully written! I think this is so universal, because change is inevitable in all of our lives. But to evolve, we must acknowledge who we are as individuals and accept ourselves as such. This way we can move forward with who we are destined to become.

    1. Raely B.

      June 20, 2011 at 1:14 pm

      I agree with you wholeheartedly. It took me a while to realize this, but once I did, everything in my life seems to be cohesive.

  2. Nellie

    June 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    I’m so happy for you, I really love this post and will have to favorite it. I can relate to it and I’m working on myself and I hope to reach the point of happiness your experiencing.

  3. TAEchelon

    June 22, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    “I was lost. I allowed certain people to take me from me and I didn’t even fight to get me back. But one day I woke up and decided I needed to find me again and to keep me close so I’d never lose myself like that again.

    And here I am — holding tightly onto the person that I am so that I can continue to grow into the person that I’m ultimately striving to become — and I’m not letting go. ”

    My favorite part of this post. Beautifully written. I can certainly relate. I, myself, also had a similar moment of declaration not too long ago. It’s an amazing feeling! I congratulate you on yours!

  4. Alicia @Mommy Delicious

    June 23, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I think that the mere process of introspection is difficult and enlightening and an on-going process all wrapped up in own little bow. But it’s just so great when we can see and appreciate who we are today and know that it is because we have learned and grown from our past experiences. And being able to look at the person in the mirror and be content with what stares back at us, well that’s just amazing. Well said and beautifully written.

  5. Jazzy

    June 28, 2011 at 8:59 am

    “I allowed certain people to take me from me and I didn’t even fight to get me back. But one day I woke up and decided I needed to find me again and to keep me close so I’d never lose myself like that again”

    thats deep and so relatable. i think we all go through that stage where we lose who we are or we’re caught up in who other people expect us to be. thankfully, you “woke up”, a lot of people stay lost.

  6. Kim

    July 2, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Reading this I was almost in tears but since I vowed to not cry anymore (I was getting way too emotional lol) I had to hold it in. This post touched me so much because I know the feeling you’re describing. I’ve feel it now and it’s something that’s hard to explain and no amount of words can capture the true beauty of that feeling. We are both bless to have that feeling.

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