Life has been difficult but it’s getting better. It’s been hard to remain focused especially on my school work. This is mainly because the little drive that is left in me is put into my children. I hadn’t gone to school in a week and I missed a quiz in one of my graduate courses. My work at my employer as been beyond sub par. But despite that, I felt like I’ve accomplished something major. I’ve let go of my sadness. My anger. My grief. And I’m making it. I’m ok.

From all that has happened, I’m on the path to recovery. I’m on the path to live my life again.

I’ve cried and cried and cried. And it’s ok.

I’ve screamed to the top of my lungs about how unfair everything is. And that’s ok.

I have, for once in a very long time, put my health, my feelings, and my emotions first. And that’s ok.

I’ve allowed a certain someone to be there for me and I have enjoyed his efforts, even though I said I’d never speak to him again. And that’s ok.

I’ve allowed to let go of this “I can do everything by myself” attitude go simply because I’ve realized that I can’t do everything by my lonesome. I need help. I’ve allowed this certain someone, along with others, to help and assist me. And that’s ok.

We’re going to be ok. After all that has happened, we’ll be ok. Life will be different.

..But that’s ok.

A special thank you to all of you who commented on the previous post and those who read but probably couldn’t find the exact words to say. Thank you for your prayers and your thoughts. God Bless you all!

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16 Comments
  1. Teems

    September 16, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Things will be ok. Glad to see that you are trying to accept support and looking to the brighter side. Take care.

  2. Kim

    September 16, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    You’re right you are going to be ok. I understand I’ve have too many dark days and at times when I thought I would never see the light it shined on me. Just never give up. Keep going and though everything you’re going through you will get stronger. I have faith in you. Take care lady and know that everything will be ok.

  3. Gerri Smalley

    September 16, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    Sending you light…
    Thanks for visiting my blog, your list was beautiful. What an amazing woman you are. ;)

  4. Kiara

    September 17, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    “It’s absolutely okay to not be okay.” I heard this recently and it immediate popped up in my head after reading this.

  5. Mimi

    September 17, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    …and it all will truly be OK in due time. I’m proud of you.

  6. Nicole

    September 19, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Glad to hear you are putting your feelings and everything about you first. A lot of times, we forget to do that and lose ourselves and it’s important to take care of yourself, because as much as we want to care for other people, we can’t do that if we’re in a bad state. Take care and you can do it! :)

  7. Shannon

    September 21, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    One of the bravest things a strong person can do is admit that they need help. It took me a while to realize that myself. And it’s going to be okay. You don’t always have to carry the weights of life by yourself. You shouldn’t have to. You and your family are still in my prayers

  8. Kay

    September 23, 2012 at 2:22 am

    It is OK. Take the help. Allow someone to be there for you while you’re going to through such hard times. The last thing you want is to make yourself sick. You have your babies to tend to as well. Grab you as much personal time as you can to breathe and cope. Your mom will be fine. I am a strong believer in the all mighty.

  9. Arlene

    September 25, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Hi. Sounds like your going though quite a lot. Although I’m not in your exact situation I know how you feel. My fiance has been sick, last year he was diagnosed with a rare leukemia. Since November he has been in and out of the hospital receiving chemo. Right now we are in Phoenix. We came out here in June so he could receive a stem cell transplant. Our entire life has been thrown into complete chaos and I don’t think things will ever be the same. Its good that you’ve realized its ok to cry and that its ok to receive help. It took me several months to realize that. I’m glad your mom is recovering and that she’s still with you. I know she has a hard road in front of her and she’s going to have to figure out how to adjust but with time she will. My Grandpa had both his legs amputated as well as all the fingers on his right hand amputated when I was small. But I don’t remember him as someone that was disabled. I remember him as my grandpa that played on the floor with me. My grandpa that I pushed in his wheel chair while he told me stories. My grandpa that with made jewelry and found a way to keep doing all the things he loved to do.

    I’m sorry I just realized I typed up a extremely long response. My point to this whole thing is that with your love and support your mom will be fine. And as hard as life seems right now for you, it will get better. Just have faith.

  10. Elle

    September 26, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    You are correct. It’s going to be OK. Your strength is apparent through the words that you type. Even though the situation that you are going through is tough, know that God never puts us through anything that he knows we cannot handle. It is good to know that you are there for your parents through this difficult time. I’m sure your support and strength is more than enough to provide comfort and solace in this situation. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope that the days get better for you and your family.

  11. Shelly

    October 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Hi Carla,
    I know it’s been a LONG, LONG time…I hope you still remember who I am. I haven’t logged into my WordPress in months but I just did now and saw your message to me on my blog — and it made my heart want to crumble. I want to thank you so, so much for taking the time to do that. It really makes me feel good to know that someone out there cares. Things are rocky with my sister; I can’t say it’s better but when I went home over the summer, we did talk a little. Things weren’t “the same” but life is going, and I think that’s all I can hope for sometimes. Right?

    Also, this post and the image you paired with it – it’s very inspiring. I’m sorry that I haven’t been around when you were going through a hard time with your mother’s hospitalization. *hug* No, it’s not the post or the image or the blog that’s inspiring. It’s you. YOU are inspiring Carla.

    P.S. – I am late but congratulations on graduating, I’m very proud of you!

  12. Terin

    October 10, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Glad to hear that things are getting a little better for you! I hope your mom is doing well. Just remember that faith is the substance of all things. Just remember to take time for you. Your family needs you to be strong.

  13. Dani @ okdani.com

    November 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Thinking of you today. ((HUG))

  14. Kam

    November 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Oh gosh I’ve just found your blog and loving it, this post reminds me of what I’ve been going through the past few years. Don’t want to repeat the same cliched comments, but the only way is up!! I’m hoping that all the trials and tribulations are just for character building, and now, life can truly begin. Kam :) X

  15. Deia

    November 4, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    I’m sorry to hear of what’s going on but God definitely gives us people and earthangels to lean on during these times. Sending positive thoughts.

  16. Farrah

    November 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Sometimes we have to put ourselves before others because like those PSA’s on the airplanes say, you can’t help anyone until you help yourself. If you’re damaged, you can’t help anyone else around you. I sometimes resist help from anyone because I don’t trust people enough, but I and most people have to learn how to let go and let someone who loves you help you out. It’s hard I struggle with this every single day, hope it gets easier!

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