A few weeks ago, while in my living room folding laundry, the premiere of ABC’s Last Resort played in the background. I had already watched the trailers so I pretty much knew what the show was about. As a result, I partially listened while I continued to separate the laundry into piles. There seemed to be a lot of noise–sirens were blaring and people were yelling; but, shortly afterwards, things seemed to simmer down. There was solace. Quietness. Calmness.
When it hurts the most, that is our strength.
Scott Speedman spoke these words and they rang in my ear. I paused for more than a few seconds, and I sank into my couch. And I just sat there.. staring at my ceiling. Then I began to discard my armor because suddenly it became too heavy to bear. It was time to liberate Inner Me. And I removed that fake smile that accompanied that “OK” facade although they seemed to be deeply embedded and a part of me.
And as difficult as that was, I succeeded and I sat back and I let the tears fall with no regard. I did so until I fell deep into slumber. I woke up the next morning on a pile of folded and unfolded laundry soaked in my freedom.
I’ve discovered that just because I cry or I get angry doesn’t mean that I’m weak. This I know. It is revealed during every hardship, although sometimes I seem to forget. To me, expelling my emotions simply means that I’m strong enough to allow my truth to be revealed so that I can acquire some peace.
My memory also fails to remind me how much of a relief I feel when I release. Even if most of the time it’s while I’m alone, I still just let them go. I huff and puff until my chest is in pain. I scream to the top of my lungs until I’m hoarse. I cry until my eyes are heavy.
Simply because it hurts..
..but because I am strong.