I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: He that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, He that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: He shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore. -Psalm 121

When I was a little girl, I would often hear my mom recite this Psalm. It was her dad’s mantra and since she was pretty much a Daddy’s girl, it became her mantra as well. I was too young to understand what everything truly meant, but as I grew older, it made much more sense to me.

August 1956 – December 2012

My mom passed last Sunday. Her breath became shorter and shorter until she took her last one and her heart stopped. My brother called saying, “We lost her.” and this overwhelming sense of numbness filled me. It was one of the saddest days of my life.

Yesterday was my Mom’s memorial. We decided not to have a funeral, but a celebratory Homegoing. And let me tell you, it was simply amazing. The preacher had me laughing more than I cried. The choir sung my mom’s favorite songs and people shared how lovely and wonderful she was to them. I got to meet her classmates and her friends as they extended love and kisses. I was even surprised to see several of my classmates and friends come out. I’m not sure how many hugs a kisses I received, but each one felt different. Each one felt.. God-sent.

Everyone tells you to be strong and I get that. “Be strong for your family and your children.” And at the time I wondered, “Who’s going to be strong for me?” And it wasn’t until all the calls and the texts and the visits.. the smiles, the tears, the hugs, the kisses, and the love from everyone else that made me realize that they will be strong for me. To say that I’ll miss her would be an understatement. To say that I am OK would be a lie. But seeing everyone’s faces and to feel everyone’s love is a guarantee that I will be. And God.. that is a beautiful thing.

I can’t say that I don’t feel some type of relief that she gets to really rest. My mom suffered for nearly four months. With an amputated leg and a hole in her back that was 6″ deep due to a bed sore, she barely slept and she barely ate. She grew tired from the crying, the screaming, and the wails from the pain. She grew weary. And God says, “There is rest for the weary.

The dusk of Mom’s Homegoing, I caught a glimpse of the aftermath of the Meteor shower. Perfect timing.

But, we were prepared. And not just for this day, but my Mom prepared us to live without her. She taught us how to love one another unconditionally, how to support one another, how to be mothers, brothers, sisters, lovers. She taught us how to be independent and not to wait around for anyone to get something done. She gave life lessons like a mother should. She taught us to be amazing. And since God was so pleased, He felt her work here was done. Well Done.

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  1. Kim

    December 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

    This brings tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry for your loss. But one thing for sure she isn’t suffering anymore and she’s in a better place. It’s so great the support and love you have during this difficult time. May God continue to keep you, bless you, and help give you the strength to make it through. I will pray for you and the family. May your mother rest in peace.

  2. LaNeshe

    December 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    I’m sorry for your loss.

  3. DaenelT

    December 16, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Beautifully written. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

  4. Dre

    December 16, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Reading this post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss, dear. May God keep His arms around you and your family during this time. *air hugs*

  5. Josie

    December 16, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss but I am glad you have found peace with the situation. I pray for you and your family’s continued strength in this time.

  6. Alicia @MommyDelicious

    December 17, 2012 at 9:43 am

    I am so sorry to hear about this. I lost my foster mother my senior year in college, and although we weren’t even that close, it was a hard, hard loss for me. She was the closet thing to a mother figure that I had. So I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now. I am happy that your mother is no longer suffering, but I know this must be really, really hard. I am praying for you. Know that with His grace and love, you will get through this. xoxo

  7. Natasha Solae

    December 17, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. Will pray for you and your family.

  8. Nicole

    December 17, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    May she rest in paradise. I’m so sorry for your loss, but I’m happy you had the chance to celebrate her life and embrace everything she meant to you and your family. She’s in a better place and I know you will always keep her in your heart and that she’s forever looking upon you.

  9. Jessica

    December 18, 2012 at 11:06 am

    I’m sorry for your loss. I felt like my world had been turned upside down after my grandmother’s passing. You’ll have good days and bad days… It gets better with time. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.

  10. Mimi

    December 18, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    I am crying. I cry for you because as you know I lost my mother a few years ago so I know of the journey you must travel. I am here if you need to talk or cry or laugh!!

    Please feel free to reach out. I’m only an email/ Instagram/blog comment away

  11. GK

    December 18, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    There are rarely any words one could say that can take your pain away today. Know that I am praying for you and your family’s healing and peace. I’ve seen your faith through your words, and I know that you will allow Him to take care of you.

    Your mother is resting now. No more pain. Just infinite happiness. :-)

  12. Shannon

    December 18, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I am so so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you’re feeling. The feeling does ease, but the void never truly goes away. You learn to cope and deal, remembering the lessons she’s taught you, her words, her memories. At first you may feel a bit at ease, then you will feel angry all of the time, but then you will come to understand that the spirit of a person can linger within yourself and although she’s not physically in this world anymore, there will be times when you will feel her within you, whether it be randomly or whenever you’re in a situation. I hope that you and your family will be alright, but I’m almost sure that you will.

  13. Kimberly

    December 18, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing it with us as it will provide us with hope and inspiration during our time of grief.

  14. Mrs. Pancakes

    December 19, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Sorry for your loss…that psalm is just beautiful!

  15. The Mrs./ The Mom

    December 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. This was a beautiful post that bought tears to my eyes. Psalm 121 is my favorite verse too. Before my cousin fell terribly ill she used to sing this at out church and everytime she sung it I cried. I really wish I had a copy of her singing it to send to you. May continue to be comforted in your time of need.

  16. Krissy

    December 27, 2012 at 10:57 am

    this made me cry. I know your mom is resting in a better place now. I pray for the strength of you and your family.

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