This week has been a tough week ya’ll and I’m just glad that it’s over. What’s so unfortunate is that even though you’ve done everything right, the bad things, or unfortunate things, are sometimes just beyond all of your control. I had everything figured out. My kids would attend school and then proceed to their after school program until I got off from work. As I was about to complete their registration, I was told that my son was too young to attend. Apparently they wanted to REALLY start following and implementing the rules this year, which was what I was told when I called the office for an explanation. Whatever. I just figured I’d let my son attend the after school program at his school. No biggie.
So my son and I are off to his orientation hand-in-hand. I swear, before we had a chance to let our butts warm our seats, the first announcement that was made was that there were no after school/before school programs due to funding. I was so numb that I didn’t hear much of what my son’s teacher was talking about after that point. I was so numb that I didn’t know what to do but cry.
As soon as the orientation was over, I did. I cried as I walked back to my car because I was reminded just how much of a single mom I really am. I’ve expressed here on the blog how my son’s father is so far away from being a dependable person. Like, he’s just.. whatever.. And not only that, I was reminded of just how much I still need my mom because without hesitation, she would have handled this. For that moment, I didn’t care about how weak and helpless I felt and looked. It showed. The secretary saw how disappointed I was and before I could even start that real ugly cry (ya’ll know the one), she told me not to worry and she’d take care of it. I mean, I couldn’t even finish my statement about how I might have to send him back to his preschool. She just wasn’t hearing that. And she took care of it.
But I still cried.
I cried all the way back to my job. My coworkers were so concerned and even those who couldn’t actually fathom what it’s like being a single mom still offered hugs and reminded me of my strength. Lord knows that was just what I needed. I think that’s what made the week so much better. Concern and empathy. They didn’t have to give it, but they did. I guess when you’re around people everyday for a month, you can’t help but to notice when someone acts a bit differently. I was on the verge of quitting my job because at the time, that seemed like the only option. Looking back, I’ve realized how ridiculous that would have been.
Sometimes life seems to want to remind you of unfortunate things at times when you don’t need that reminder. And yes, I may be a single mother but I’m honestly and wholeheartedly trying the best that I can. And I’m strong.
God, I’m so. strong.
I’m strong enough to cry and get angry and then pray about it and let others help me.. and console me.. and hug me.. and just let me know that everything is going to be ok. There are entirely TOO many people that are rooting for me to dwell on those reminders that sometimes make me feel like giving up is the only option. So instead of dwelling, I push. And I push and I tug.. and pull and scrape my knees.. and bruise my hands. And I bleed. But I push and push until I’ve pushed through.