This week has been a tough week ya’ll and I’m just glad that it’s over. What’s so unfortunate is that even though you’ve done everything right, the bad things, or unfortunate things, are sometimes just beyond all of your control. I had everything figured out. My kids would attend school and then proceed to their after school program until I got off from work. As I was about to complete their registration, I was told that my son was too young to attend. Apparently they wanted to REALLY start following and implementing the rules this year, which was what I was told when I called the office for an explanation. Whatever. I just figured I’d let my son attend the after school program at his school. No biggie.

So my son and I are off to his orientation hand-in-hand. I swear, before we had a chance to let our butts warm our seats, the first announcement that was made was that there were no after school/before school programs due to funding. I was so numb that I didn’t hear much of what my son’s teacher was talking about after that point. I was so numb that I didn’t know what to do but cry.

As soon as the orientation was over, I did. I cried as I walked back to my car because I was reminded just how much of a single mom I really am. I’ve expressed here on the blog how my son’s father is so far away from being a dependable person. Like, he’s just.. whatever.. And not only that, I was reminded of just how much I still need my mom because without hesitation, she would have handled this. For that moment, I didn’t care about how weak and helpless I felt and looked. It showed. The secretary saw how disappointed I was and before I could even start that real ugly cry (ya’ll know the one), she told me not to worry and she’d take care of it. I mean, I couldn’t even finish my statement about how I might have to send him back to his preschool. She just wasn’t hearing that. And she took care of it.

But I still cried.

I cried all the way back to my job. My coworkers were so concerned and even those who couldn’t actually fathom what it’s like being a single mom still offered hugs and reminded me of my strength. Lord knows that was just what I needed. I think that’s what made the week so much better. Concern and empathy. They didn’t have to give it, but they did. I guess when you’re around people everyday for a month, you can’t help but to notice when someone acts a bit differently. I was on the verge of quitting my job because at the time, that seemed like the only option. Looking back, I’ve realized how ridiculous that would have been.

Sometimes life seems to want to remind you of unfortunate things at times when you don’t need that reminder. And yes, I may be a single mother but I’m honestly and wholeheartedly trying the best that I can. And I’m strong.

God, I’m so. strong.

I’m strong enough to cry and get angry and then pray about it and let others help me.. and console me.. and hug me.. and just let me know that everything is going to be ok. There are entirely TOO many people that are rooting for me to dwell on those reminders that sometimes make me feel like giving up is the only option. So instead of dwelling, I push. And I push and I tug.. and pull and scrape my knees.. and bruise my hands. And I bleed. But I push and push until I’ve pushed through.

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10 Comments
  1. Vaneese

    August 18, 2013 at 12:11 am

    I’m so glad that the secretary was able to work something out for your son and kudos to your co-workers for jumping in like that. That is a very tough position to be in…to have to choose between working (and providing) or not, due to child care. Lord knows I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit. But like you said, you just have to keep pushing because SOMETHING will break through, as it is meant to.

    Oh and I’m one of those folks who’s rooting for you!! You got this!

  2. Faith

    August 18, 2013 at 9:58 am

    I would have cried too.

    I’m so glad that during that difficult time you had people encourage and help you. That’s always important and so needed.

    You are strong and God is clearly on your side. All will be well.

  3. BessieAkuba

    August 19, 2013 at 3:40 am

    Thank God for co-workers and people who are there to console and help. And thank God for having the strength. God knows it is not easy being a single mother, so he continues to place people in your life to assist at time when we feel we are at our weakest. xo

  4. Daenel T

    August 19, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug.

  5. Mimi

    August 20, 2013 at 7:10 am

    It’s that village that people like to say doesn’t exist but it does. It does exist but only for good people who have things to give and aren’t too strong to take and lean.

    Cry until you can’t cry anymore then pick up your pieces and let people help you figure out how to put them back together and when they aren’t there you can be sure God is.

    Love you!

  6. Tamara

    August 20, 2013 at 2:17 pm

    You’re an amazing women through and through and I am proud of your strength. Every warrior has their weak moments and like you said, it’s OK to cry and ask for help. It’s rejuvenating and everyone needs that encouragement to pick themselves back up again and keep going. I pray everything works out (which I am SURE it will).

  7. Kay

    August 20, 2013 at 9:07 pm

    We are both in the same boat. Keep your head up Rae. That woman was sent from god. She heard your cry. There will be times that obstacles get in your way and we just have to climb over it or walk around it. I’ve had that ugly cry many times by the way. So cry it out and go right back to plotting, scraping of the knees and whatever else you need to do to make it to the finish line. I’m proud of what you’ve done so far with your babies. I may not know you personally but you’re doing an outstanding job.

  8. Jennifer

    August 21, 2013 at 7:54 pm

    I have the utmost respect for single mothers because I honestly don’t know how you do it sometimes. I feel like I couldn’t imagine having to be totally responsible for someone else, all by myself. I guess it’s just one of those things though, when you love them, you just find a way to do it. Your kids are so lucky to have you and they will appreciate these tough moments when they are old enough to understand.

    http://Www.futurelawyergirl.com

  9. Josie

    August 24, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    You are so incredibly amazing. I am so glad that you got the comfort and support that you needed. I’m not (technically) a single mom but I have no family so sometimes I go through THEE breakdown too where I feel so alone and like I have the world on my shoulders — in those moments it always feels so good to know that I can breakdown but I must get back up. You got back up. You are doing great.

  10. ajira

    August 26, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    I can only imagine how tough it must be to be doing this on your own. It’s hard enough for two people. I’m glad you have your mom and others who are willing to support you when you need it. Good on you for receiving it!

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