It’s been raining for the past few hours. I know because I’ve been up wandering around the house tidying up here and there while everyone is asleep. I’m taking a moment to enjoy the air while it’s calm and silent. To be still and reflect on the days that have passed, appreciate the space I’m in now, all while looking forward to the days ahead. This year has been interesting to say the least. So many new experiences. So many truths have been revealed. So many changes. So many beginnings and so many endings. All I am blessed to experience because all are necessary.
I’m sitting in a beautiful burgundy chair that was reupholstered for me for Mother’s Day. It was originally my mother’s. It’s been three years since she has passed and I still have my moments when I just want to cry and scream until I lose my voice and fall asleep from the exhaustion. Fortunately, most days I can smile and appreciate the time that I’ve had with her. Her smile, her motherly jokes, her confidence in the finite, unapologetic decisions she made, her wisdom.
She’d be proud of me. Traveling the world. Excelling in my career. & most importantly, keeping God in the center of my family unit and my relationship. She’d be proud of my growth on this ever-becoming journey of mine. She’d fuss though — first, because there’s a huge dog in the house.. then she’d fuss at how I still can’t seem to let things go.. how I let things fester and linger inside.. how I let situations affect my emotions and alter my good moods. And I think she’d absolutely HATE how I dwell on or hold on to friendships that should have ended a long time ago.
When it becomes apparent that people don’t support you or celebrate your successes due to any inadequacy that they may be harboring deep within themselves, or pray for your prosperity as you do for them, it’s time for them to make their departure. I’ve learned that not everyone is equipped with the necessary tools or mindset to accompany you on your journey. The people we surround ourselves with will either raise or lower our value. Therefore, it is crucial and beneficial that we are aware of the type of company that we keep.
Too often we keep people around us because of the amount of time that we’ve known them when these days, longevity isn’t too much of a good determinant anymore. If the amount of time that they’ve been in your life overshadows the value that they’ve added to it, then it’s time to rethink their position. It’s time to do some restructuring and perhaps love them from a distance. From afar. That remote type love. And then reassess who you should share your dreams, goals, milestones, and moves with.
I know that people are only in your life for a season, but some last. Some are forever. Eternal. Some are supposed to be your forever. So here I am — with a circle of individuals who love and support me in everything I do. Who may think I’m crazy and impulsive at times, but later understand that there is a method to my madness and appreciate my individuality. And sometimes it takes a little sit down in the dark to come to realizations such as these.
But this time of the morning that I absolutely love and can truly appreciate. That calm time right after midnight, but right before dawn. When my dog lays at my feet peacefully.. when my mother comes to me and we solve all of my dilemmas and quandaries so I can rest my mind, get some sleep, and wake in the morning with the joy Mommy always promised would be waiting for me.