As usual, I woke up before the sun this morning to give myself the time for reflection, meditation, and time with God. The last couple of days have been quite emotional for me. Not in a dismal or morose way entirely, but more so in an inspiring and anxious way. I am constantly taking on new projects and trying to take advantage of every opportunity I can while I can in hopes that I get closer and closer to my ultimate goals and aspirations.
So this is where I am — every waking moment I’m feeling the distance between where I am and where I want to be.
And I’m so close. God, I’m so close.
I feel the closeness… even though everything is still a bit of a blur, I rely on that feeling of extreme proximity to everything that you’ve worked so hard and intelligently to attain. That feeling when you know it’s right over the fence, right beyond the bend.. or if you could just make it to dawn, you know it’d all be worth your sacrifices.
And the closer I get, the more my emotions break themselves free and run their courses beyond my control. It’s been a challenge to suppress my emotions. It’s getting harder to hold back the tears. I’m all over the place and in rare form so I break off to a quiet place to give myself a moment to sort it all out.
In these moments, I bring myself back to my center. After I’ve gathered every piece of me that I’ve disbursed in so many different things, it is here that I feel the closeness. It is here that I allow myself a moment to breathe. And I realize something — I want it as bad as I every breath I am granted to take.