I’m an introspective person and I’ve pretty much been that way my whole life. Because of this, it is a habit that I gift myself reflective and cogitative moments. Most of these moments are a direct result of nostalgic spaces that life puts me in. I’ve had a few convoluted moments — moments where I wasn’t sure what to feel. I wasn’t sure how to feel. And all of it left a slew of confusion when trying to figure it all out.

Not everyone is strong enough to go searching for every broken and shattered part of their being and put themselves back together.There are parts of me that I’m still assembling. Parts that I’m still putting back together. Parts of me that are still healing. There are moments where I still linger in a lamentation from the remnants of my past transgressions. If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I’d be much gentler with myself. I’d speak to myself in a much more softer voice and I’d reassure myself that just as always, joy is waiting for me come morning. And that’s what I intend to do with this post.

To the Single Mom Once in Debt from Over-Compensating

Life came at you hard. There’s absolutely no doubt about that. But, you won’t always be in this disharmonious state. You won’t always have to rob Peter to pay Paul. One day, you’ll realize that you won’t need all of these things to define your wholeness and improve the quality of your life. You’ll detach yourself from the notion that material things will solve all of your problems and administer pure happiness. You’ll learn that the minimal lifestyle will ultimately free you and truly enhance the quality of your life and your well-being. And everything that you thought you wanted was far from what you needed.

To The Woman Who Suffered in Silence

This isn’t love. Deep down you know it but you have yet to figure out why you’re stuck in a continuum of heartbreak and broken promises. You’re blinded by your own ability to love with all you have so you can’t fathom the lack of reciprocity. You get caught up in the Whys. Why’d you stay so long? Why’d you let it happen? How could you not see what was going on? And you didn’t know that narcissistic people have a way of coming into your life disguised as everything you ever hoped for.

You must understand that not everyone is in the space to receive the depth of your love. Not everyone can handle its magnitude and not everyone is worthy to do so. You’ll get much better at practicing your gift of discernment and selectivity. You’ll make it out that situation like you always have. Forgive yourself, remember the lesson, and let it go.

To The Woman Whose Mom Died Before Her Eyes

You always knew that this day would come, but you didn’t think it would come as it did. Death came to your doorstep and forced its way inside. There’s no way you could have prepared for this. There’s no way you could have braced yourself to witness the tears fall from your dad’s eyes for the first time in your life. There’s no way you could have prepared yourself to hear the broken words from your brother on the other end of the phone. We Lost Her. Things happened so fast.

You had finally graduated college after six challenging, defining years and your mother was supposed to see you conquer the world like she knew you would. Instead, she was laying in bed, speaking incoherently, without her foot. Then months later, without the majority of her leg. And from there, as your mother wilted away before you, so did your hope. So you prayed for peace and God answered your prayer.

There was no way you could have prepared for this but you handled it the best way that you could. Even if that meant grieving at a much later time than you should have. Even though you still do. Even though you always will. But just remember to allow yourself to feel everything that you feel in that moment. Suppression will never result in healing. It is in weakness that you will discover your strength.

To The Woman Who is Always in a Rush

You had your whole life planned out. Graduate high school and then college. Become a trailblazer in the IT world. Buy a home. Travel the world. And possibly get married and have children. But life occurred in a different sequence and even after your adaptation, you beat yourself up over the pace of your milestones. It was hard for you to realize that your path was different and that it needed to be walked at a different pace. With a different attitude.

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”

— Proverbs 16:9

One day it will all make sense though. One day you’ll realize that the pace in which things happened had to occur that way. To strengthen you. To enlighten you. To make you more resilient. To make you more patient. Because little did you know, one day you were going to get that degree. One day, you were going to enter the IT career field and be given numerous opportunities to leave your mark. One day, you were going to travel the world. One day, you will find love–and not just any kind of love–but, that unconditional love that you feel deep in your soul. And this will all be your life. This wonderful life from the fruits of your labor that you took the time to sow and cultivate.

To The Woman Who Forgot About God

You experienced a lot of pain in your life. Pain that many people aren’t even aware of. You were in your most human form, a state of pure imperfection, and you didn’t know how to handle it. There was a significant point during this time where you forgot to pray and eventually you just stopped praying altogether. Consequently, God was an afterthought.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

— 1 Corinthians 10:13

This won’t be your proudest moment, but soon enough, you’ll find your way back. You’ll have an epiphany–a moment of enlightenment–where you will realize overcoming a situation isn’t asking God to remove you from it but to give you the tools to overcome it. To give you the tenacity and vigor to be triumphant during your times of tribulations. You’ll realize that you’ll have many more times where there is pain and disappointment, but you’ll remember that God is always with you.

My hope for anyone reading this is that you also remember your self-compassion. Remember your humanity. mistakes will be made because you are in a constant state of evolution. It is important that you allow yourself the capacity to forgive yourself. Find the strength that’s inside of you to bury all of your mistakes like seeds as a form of forgiveness. And be gentle enough to allow yourself to grow.

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  1. Sylvia

    January 28, 2018 at 4:07 pm

    Love, LOVE LOVE this. Came at a time where I truly needed to read this. I’m the type that always give others advice and such but I always find myself in situations where I just helped someone get out of and so on and so on.
    Huge hugs to you.

  2. Disa Chantel

    January 28, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    This is so beautiful, Carla. Thank you for sharing. Amazing how we see God’s faithfulness when we look back on the hard times. While we’re going through it, it’s difficult to see and discern, but I’m so thankful for all the ways of escape He has provided. Xx

    1. Rae

      February 7, 2018 at 6:57 pm

      I totally agree. Knowing what I know now, I’m able to allow myself to be more accepting of the things that life throws at me that I can’t change because I know it’s all for a reason and I’ll make it through to the other end.

  3. Kayla

    January 28, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    This was beautiful, worded exceptionally well (as always), and exactly what I needed when I needed it. So much of this touched my spirit!

    1. Rae

      February 7, 2018 at 6:56 pm

      Thank you Kayla! I hope this will always serve as a reminder to be gentle along your journey. (:

  4. Faith

    January 29, 2018 at 8:09 am

    Wow, wow, wow. This was so beautifully written. You are so full of wisdom and I am taking to heart so much of what you’ve written. Thank you for sharing this with us!

    1. Rae

      February 7, 2018 at 6:55 pm

      Thank you, Faith. I owe all this wisdom to my life experiences. So much makes sense now than it did while I was going through it. But that’s just how life works, how God works.

  5. Tyshia

    February 2, 2018 at 10:18 pm

    “Not everyone is strong enough to go searching for every broken and shattered part of their being and put themselves back together.” Whew, a WORD. The hard work that comes before (and sometimes after) the love and light. Loved this so much. Thank you for sharing a piece of your healing with us <3.

    1. Rae

      February 7, 2018 at 6:54 pm

      Thank you so much for reading sis!

  6. Amanda Nicole

    February 10, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    Transparency!!! thank you for this. I’m experiencing something similar in almost every word in this post. GOD is real and I’ve found him again too! Praying and wishing you a continuum of happiness, keep healing.

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